


How to (Unsuccessfully) Get Over a Guy

by DonTheRock



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Falling In Love, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kippen Siblings, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Teen Romance, Teenagers, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-03-29 16:16:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19023460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DonTheRock/pseuds/DonTheRock
Summary: After concluding that he has no chance of being with his crush, Cyrus Goodman accepts the fact that he has to get over this guy. While passing through the park, Cyrus finds a mysterious note and decides to leave a message of his own. While Cyrus believes he is moving on by connecting with the boy behind the letters, TJ Kippen is also talking to someone is secret. As both boys are finally starting to get over each other, they can't help but notice some similarities between their new and former crushes.





	1. Prologue

**Cyrus' POV**

 

The air is muggy, stripped of its ability to cool me down as I step onto the grass. A few white clovers flatten under my shoes. Usually, I'd try to avoid stepping on them, but I have too much on my mind today to even notice until it's too late. 

The park is quiet this evening. I guess most parents don't take their kids out when the sun is setting, but it's the perfect time for me to come here to try to unscramble the thoughts that have been streaming through my head since this afternoon. I don't want to waste any more time on someone I can't have. I just need to move on. But I like him so much that I'll need a miracle to get over him. 

I sit down on the swing where I was earlier today, only now I don't see TJ beside me. My eyes wander down the chain links of the empty swing next to me. I have to catch myself when I begin to wonder what TJ is doing right now, this time saying out loud what I've been repeating in my head since this afternoon. 

"He doesn't like me. He probably doesn't even like guys. It would never work."

The words taste sour on my tongue, but they shouldn't.He was never mine to begin with. All I'm doing is stopping this crush from turning into anything more. I don't want to like a boy I can't have. 

"This is just another crush," I tell the empty park. "It will go away. I can get over him."

The only response I get is a whistle from the breeze as though mocking my statement.  _Yeah, I don't believe me either._

As I gaze around at the tall trees that envelope the park, I spot a glisten of sunlight underneath a rock at least twenty metres away from me. I drag my feet on the ground to slow my swing to a stop before stepping toward the bright white speck. As I get closer, I realize what it is. The piece of folded up paper is sheltered from the wind by the giant stone, and it's still in good condition, letting me know that it can't have been here for very long. 

Curiously, I reach down to pick up the paper, sitting criss-cross as I open it up to see what's on it. I expect to see some doodle of a flower or an elementary schooler's love letter, but instead I'm faced with an outpour of emotions in black ink. The very first line is all it takes to keep me captivated:  _I feel weird._

When I finish reading the long note, my eyes are stinging slightly. I think I forgot to blink. If any other person had picked up this note, it probably wouldn't have affected them much, but I felt every word on the page. 

I don't even take the time to fully formulate what I want to say before I reach into my pocket to pull out the golf pencil that I still haven't returned, flip over the paper to show the blank side, and start writing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thanks for reading! For clarification for those who may need it, this prologue actually occurs at a time later in the story (I will mention in the notes exactly when the prologue comes next). Also, this is way shorter than all the other parts will be, because it's just the prologue. I really hope you all like this story, because I'm really excited to write it. I love all of you so much! Please comment everything you think at every point while reading. I love reading the comments. I'll see you again soon with the next part.


	2. Chapter 2

**TJ's POV**

 

"You can do it, Kiah!" I say. "You're almost at the top."

All of the children at the gym clap and cheer from the ground to encourage their friend as she attempts to make it to the other end of the climbing net. Kiah's not the first three year-old to try climbing it, but she's certainly the most dedicated. Everyday, she's been saying that she's going to do it, but she's very afraid of heights, so she always gives up shortly into the challenge. 

Today she's not letting herself get scared so easily. To keep her hair out of her face, she's tied back her black braids with an elastic that she said she found on the ground. It's not the most sanitary, but hey, I'm not her parents. She narrows her eyes in concentration as she reaches for each rope rung, trying not to look down or let her feet slip. 

"Just a bit farther," I tell her. 

I'm amazed that she hasn't turned back yet. She really is determined to make it this time. She gets up close enough to the top where all she has to do is reach out and ring the bell, and when she does, everyone goes wild.

The girl shows off her wide grin as she carefully scoots back down the climbing net. At the bottom, she takes my hand and uses it as a support as she jumps down onto the mat. I kneel down to her height to give her a high five. 

"Nice job, Kiah!"

"I did it!" she squeals. 

"I know. I saw."

Energized by her achievement, she runs off to hugs her friends. I stand up and cross my arms over my chest as I witness everyone's excitement. Suddenly, I notice the face of my watch, and I realize my shift is over. I need to go, but my coworker isn't here yet to take over. 

Right at that thought, the door whips open, and I look over to see the girl, Heart, stepping in. Her sleek, black hair is tied in a loose ponytail as though it was done in one second, which it probably was. She's not one for dressing up much. 

Her bag makes a smacking sound as she drops it on the floor by the door, grabbing the attention of every kid in the room. Like an avalanche, they all go rushing toward her to say hi. One girl, Sookie, pulls at her arm to try to get her to come see the cartwheel she figured out how to do today. Heart respectfully brushes her hand off and gives her a smile. 

"I'll be over in one minute, okay?" Heart tells Sookie. "I'm just gonna say hi to TJ first."

"Okay," Sookie responds. 

The little girl runs off to continue playing as Heart walks up to me, putting her hands in her pockets. 

"You got a ton of bricks in your bag?" I joke, referring back to the noise it made when she set it down. 

"Cookbooks," she explains. "I was at my grandma's, and she really wants me to be a good cook like her, so I lied and said I liked it, but now she's trying to get me to learn all the family recipes, and she's buying recipe books for me."

"Why don't you just tell her you don't want them?"

"Because I've already lied and said I liked cooking, but, honestly, I hate it. But so now I can't tell her the truth, because it'll break her heart—her little, wrinkled, old grandma heart."

"Then I guess you'll be cooking," I say. "If you need someone to eat what you make, I volunteer."

"I might actually take you up on that," she responds with a laugh. "My grandma cooks with a lot of rice, so everything she's shown me so far involves it, but I don't even like rice. You don't know how hard it is to be from a Filipino family and not like rice."

I chuckle at that, and she glances around at the kids to get an idea of what's going on. Her eyes stop on a 5 year-old girl, Trinity, sitting on the mat in a bright orange hoodie.

"Was Trinity wearing her hoodie all day?" Heart asks me. "It's, like, 85 degrees out."

"She gets cold easily," I say with a shrug. 

"Yeah, I guess she's always been like that," Heart responds, still eyeing the girl curiously. 

A beep sounds from my pocket, and I pull out my phone. Heart watches as I check the text I received.

 **Amber:** Hey. You left a bunch of dirty dishes downstairs, and I'm not going to wash them for you again, so can you do that when you get home from work?

"Who is it?" Heart wonders. "That Cyrus boy you're always talking about?"

I shake my head. "My sister. And I'm not always talking about him."

"You must hear yourself differently then, because I'm pretty sure you brought him up at least once every ten minutes yesterday."

"Look, I've got to go," I say, ignoring her statement. 

"You're leaving?" comes a high-pitched shout from Trinity as she runs up to cling to my leg. 

I crouch down, peeling her arms off of my leg and holding her tiny hands instead. 

"I'll be back tomorrow," I tell her. "Heart's going to be here until your Mom picks you up."

"But I want you to stay," she whines. 

"I can't," I say. "Why don't you go play with Will and Lynas. They have the play tunnel set up. That's your favorite, isn't it?"

She shake her head aggressively, clearly asserting her opinion on the matter.

"It was, though," I say. "Not anymore?"

"It's too small," she explains. "I don't like it."

"Too small?" I respond. "I think you can still fit in it pretty well."

She shakes her head again. "I can't."

She can. It's more than big enough for her. Even I can fit in the tunnel, but I'm not going to force her to go play in it if she doesn't want to. 

I sigh. "Okay, but I still have to go."

She makes a pouty face to try to get me to change my mind, but I hold my position firm, and she eventually gives up.

"Fine!" she whines.

"Good," I say with a smile. "Bye. I'll see you later, alligator."

She giggles and responds, "Bye, crocodile."

Though I've told her the correct response multiple times, she can't seem to remember it. But she's content with this version, so I don't bother to try to educate her any further. 

Trinity goes off to join some girls at the back of the gym, and I look to back up at Heart. 

"I'll see you tomorrow," I say. 

"See you, Kippen," she responds. 

I walk past her to head outside into the beating sun. I have to turn up the brightness all the way on my phone in order to text my sister back about what she asked me to do. 

 **TJ:**  I'll do the dishes tonight, but can't right now, because I'm about to go meet up with Cyrus.

 **Amber:** You mean your boyfriend?

 **TJ:** He's not my boyfriend. I don't even think he likes me that way.

 **Amber:** But you like him, don't you?

 **TJ:** Amber, you know I do, but that doesn't change the fact that we'll probably never end up together. 

 **Amber:** Why are you so negative?

 **TJ:**  Why are you so annoying?

 **Amber:**  Oof. Okay, then. I'll see you at home. Have fun on your date.

I roll my eyes and shove my phone back into my pocket. I take a look at my watch to see that I need to hurry if I'm going to get home to change before meeting Cyrus at the park. 

_______________________________________

**Cyrus' POV**

 

He's late, but I can't possibly be mad when I see TJ's smile as he strolls up to the swing beside me and drops into it. The swing rocks him back and forth gently, and his hair swooshes as the wind blows it over his face. He always gives me butterflies with just his eyes, and I wish I could control it, but I just can't. 

"What's up, Underdog?" TJ asks. 

"Not much, Not-So-Scary-Basketball-Guy," I respond. "How was work?"

"It was good," he replies. 

He smiles at me, looking as though he's on the edge of saying something more, but he doesn't. 

"You're really good with the kids," I say.

"You only saw me with them once."

"Yeah, but they seemed to really like you." _I really like you._

"Thanks, Underdog."

The most annoying thing about my crush on TJ is that it keeps my mind from functioning properly. I want to continue our conversation, but all I can think about is how I want to come with him to work another time so that I can see him with those kids again, because there's something so strangely attractive about seeing him be so caring to those children who look up to him so much, but I don't think my nerves will let my mouth make the words. I wish I wasn't so insecure about this. I wish I could talk to him like how I talk to anyone else. But he's not anyone else. He's so much more. 

"What did you do today?" TJ asks. 

"I woke up. I went to Ikea with my dad. I forgot to return the golf pencil, which I feel bad about."

He chuckles a little, saying, "It's okay. I'm sure they won't miss one pencil."

"Still, I'm going to return it the next time I go there."

"You really can't handle doing anything wrong, huh?" He sees the insecurity on my face and quickly adds, "That's not a bad thing. I like that about you, actually. I mean, I like everything about you. I wouldn't be friends with you if I didn't."

That train of thought had me rising until it crashed at the end. He only thinks of me as a friend. He doesn't like me the way I like him. How could he? He hasn't even mentioned to me if he likes guys, so I doubt he does. But I still really want to know for certain. 

"How's that girl you work with?" I wonder. 

He's mentioned her a few times. I've always been curious if there was anything more about her than he's told me, but I've never had the courage to ask. But now I just can't stand not knowing any longer.

"Heart?" TJ checks. "She's cool. Same as always, I guess."

"That's good," I respond. "You two are friends, right? You've talked about her a fair bit. Is there anything going on between you two that you haven't mentioned?"

"With me and Heart?" he says, surprised by my question. "No, we're just friends." He shakes his head a little, confirming, "I don't see her that way."

"Oh, sorry," I say, feeling a little awkward for asking, but since I've already unlocked the door, I might as well kick it open. "Is there anyone you do see that way? Like, do you have a crush on anyone?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the prologue DOES NOT take place after this part, but it takes place after part 3 instead. Sorry about the confusion, but this part ended up being way longer than I expected, so I split it into two. And I ended on a cliffhanger? I never do that. Yay for me. Uh, sorry for the long wait for this part. I'm really tired, so I'm going to go to bed. It's, like, 28 degrees out, and I'm honestly dying from the heat, so I'm going to have to sleep on an ice pack tonight. So yeah. Woo hoo. Thanks for reading! I love you all! Goodnight!


	3. Chapter 3

**Cyrus' POV**

 

"Oh, um . . ." He ponders the question for a moment, his eyes wandering away from me and toward the ground, until he finally answers, "Uh, no, not really."

"Oh."

He doesn't like me. He just said it. This crush is never going to go anywhere. All it's done is keep me up at night thinking. It's using up all every crevice of space in my mind, and I can't seem to get through a say without thinking about him. I don't want to be so wrapped up in a boy I can't have. All it does is make me hurt, and I don't want to feel that way anymore. I have to get over him. 

"What about you?" TJ asks. 

I'm not about to be honest and say I like him. That would ruin our friendship, and I can at least have that even if I can't have anything more. 

"No, nobody," I lie.

"Oh."

He goes quiet, and we both turn our eyes away from each other, looking around at the calm playground. Although I know he's here, it feels like I'm alone, and, honestly, with how far away I feel from him right now, I might as well be.  

_____________________________________

**TJ's POV**

 

Looking up at the ceiling as I lie on the couch, I toss a beanbag up repeatedly while the sounds of gunshots and bombings blast through the speakers. The source of the noise is the game of Battlefield 1 being played by Reed and Lester on my PS4. Even though they're multitasking by having a real conversation, they're still beating the other team. 

"Reed, how's that community service coming?" Lester asks. 

"Got five hours left," Reed replies. "I'm gonna finish it tomorrow."

Since the gun incident, Reed's changed a lot. He realized how stupid it was to take his dad's gun, and he doesn't even use weed anymore. Now I'm a lot closer with him and Lester than I was before, because I'm not in disagreement with anything they're doing. 

"Man, I was gonna see if you guys wanted to do something," Lester says in disappointment.

"What were you thinking of doing?" Reed wonders. 

"I don't know," Lester answers. "Anything but sit around more."

"Yeah, sorry," Reed says. "You can hang out with TJ, though."

"Uh, no," I correct. "I'm busy."

"Let me guess," Reed says. "It's couples night at the roller rink, and you're taking Cyrus?"

Reed and Lester both laugh a little, but I get defensive. 

"We're not a couple," I argue. 

"Okay, but you basically are," Lester reasons. 

"But we're not," I state. "Cyrus said today that he doesn't even like me as more than a friend."

"Dude, seriously?" Reed responds. "The kid lights up whenever you're around."

"He's always like that," I contend.

"Yeah," Reed says, "when you're around."

"And when anyone else is around," I add on. "Guys, he doesn't like me. I understand that, and I just need to get over him."

"TJ, you're being dumb," Lester says. 

"I'm only facing the truth."

"Well, if you want to get over him, then why are you going to see him again tomorrow?" Reed asks. 

"I didn't say I was seeing Cyrus tomorrow."

"But aren't you?"

I nod, reluctant to let Reed know he's right. "But it's just as friends. I just need to remember that he's just a friend."

"Whatever you say, man," Lester says. 

________________________________________

Lester and Reed leave only a few minutes before my parents get home. I'm in the kitchen when I hear the front door rattle, and I scramble to rinse out the bowl that I used for ice cream, because they wouldn't approve of me eating sugar after eight PM. When they come strolling into the kitchen, I lean my elbows on the island, hoping to look natural, and they buy it. 

"Hi, TJ," my dad says. "How was your day?"

My mom sets her purse on the counter, and they both come over to talk to me. 

"Good," I reply. "How was your play?"

"Long," my mom responds. "It was also fairly boring. I thought it was going to be a musical."

"The website said there would be music in it," my dad defends. 

"Instrumental music," Mom retorts. "Anyway, we left during the intermission."

"What did you do today?" Dad asks me. 

"Not much. I went to work then hung out with Cyrus for a bit. Reed and Lester came over for about an hour." 

"You saw Cyrus again?" Mom recaps. "That must've been fun. He's a really nice boy. Not that there's anything wrong with your other friends, but I just think he's a better influence on you."

"Yeah," I breathe. 

My eyes fall to my hands as I start to pick at my nails. I could tell them right now and get it over with. I've been thinking about coming out to them for months now, but it's never felt like the right time. They're always too busy with other things, specifically my brother, to listen to me. But they're right here now. I could say it and just get it out. I almost do, but my mom cuts off my spurt of courage with her next question. 

"Have you finished writing your speech for Zach's wedding?"

My brother, Zach, is getting married in two weeks, and that's been the focus of the household recently. He's marrying his girlfriend, Madison, after three years of being with her. She's really pretty and intelligent and basically everything my parents want in a daughter-in-law. Most importantly, she's a girl. That's the kind of person my parents have always pictured me being with—a girl. Never have they ever said anything to me about me possibly going in a different direction, and that's what keeps me from telling them the truth right now. My brother is their ideal son, successful, smart—and straight. I already don't fit two of those qualities; I'm just getting by with my grades in school, and my dyscalculia makes it hard for me to be the math genius my brother is. Am I really about to tell my parents that I'm not even going to marry a woman one day and give them a normal family like they hope for? The way I've been nervously picking my thumbnail away says no. 

"Uh, no," I answer. "I'm gonna go for a walk." 

I need to be alone and get some air away from them for a minute. 

"You should really work on that speech," Mom says. 

"I'll work on it while I'm out," I say. 

I walk out of the kitchen and go upstairs to grab a notebook and pen from my bedroom before leaving out the front door. It might just be me, but it somehow feels hotter now than it did during the day. The streets are quiet as I walk, but they always are in this neighbourhood. Parked cars frame the road, separating it off from the sidewalk. 

There's a clear lack of motion tonight, and the sky is silent, without the hum of a single engine, so I step out to walk down the middle of the asphalt. Something about having so much space on either side of me feels calming. Nothing is closing me in. I have plenty of room to just exist. And right now, I feel like I take up a lot of room by just existing. 

The chirping of birds greets me as I stroll onto the grass of the park. Although my instinct is to go to the swings, I know I won't be able to think about anything but Cyrus if I sit there, so I find a spot on the grass by a big rock to lean on. I open up the notebook and sit it on my lap as I begin trying to write. 

I make many attempts at beginning the speech, but every one just ends up as another scribble on the page. I'm Zach's best man. I'm supposed to have some touching monologue ready in two weeks, but all I can think about is how Zach's everything I have to try to live up to, which I've already failed at. 

Eventually, I give up and find myself writing out the thoughts running through my head instead. I think I just need to get it all out before I can focus on my brother's wedding, so I don't hold anything back. I just let my pen glide across the page, letting everything flow out. 

_I feel weird. I feel like the world was made for people like my brother and wants to break people like me. I don't fit into my parents' expectations. They want me to be like my brother. My brother is perfect. He has a great job, and he's going to have a normal, acceptable family like my parents want him to. How am I supposed to live up to that? I'm just a stupid kid who barely passes his classes and can't even muster up the courage to tell his parents that he's gay._ _And I have a hopeless crush on this boy who will never like me back. I can't blame him for not wanting to be with me. I'm a bit of a mess. I wish I could just tell him the truth, but it would wreck our friendship. I wish I could come out to my parents, but I'm too scared. People think I'm brave, but I'm not. If I were, I wouldn't be hiding like this._

As soon as I finish writing, I tear out the page and fold it up, because I don't want anyone to find it in my notebook. But it did help. I feel lighter now that my thoughts have been transferred out of my head. 

Ready to begin writing again, I set down the folded paper down on the grass beside me and press my pen to a blank page. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I'm really excited, though, to continue writing this story, because I think it's gonna be pretty rad. Thanks for supporting me and reading this! Thanks for commenting, cause I love reading them! I watched Aladdin yesterday. Naomi Scott has always been and still is my celebrity crush, but now I gotta add Mena Massoud to that list. It's a really good movie, though. If you haven't watched it,you should. The music is incredible, as expected from the composers for The Greatest Showman. Anyway, yeah. Thanks! And in case you didn't figure it out, the prologue takes place next, chronologically.


	4. Chapter 4

**Cyrus' POV**  
  
  
  
_I understand what you mean. I don't think anything was as scary as coming out for the first time. Thankfully, I had some really good friends to talk to. When I realized I was gay, it was because my best friend and I both had a crush on the same guy. Crazy, right? I don't like him anymore, but now I'm trying to get over this other guy who is almost definitely straight. I get what you're saying about the world not being made for us. Like, why does everyone just assume everyone's straight, and why are people uncomfortable when someone thinks they're not? How come a boy can hit on a girl, and, if she's gay, it's just a mistake, but if a boy hits on a boy, and he's straight, suddenly it's creepy or weird? I don't get it. I truly don't. I guess I have a whole summer to try to understand it before school starts again._

_And about your brother, your parents may want you to be like him, but I just want you to be yourself._

 

I replay the letter I wrote in my head as I wait for my friends to arrive in The Spoon. I wonder if he will respond? Maybe he completely forgot about the note he left at the park. He could never even see my reply. I know I don't even know who he is, but reading that note made me feel like I know him, and I just want him to know that he's not alone. 

"What'chu lookin' at?"

I snap out of my daydream and turn to see Amber setting down a stack of menus on the table. I'd been staring out the window, but I wasn't paying attention to anything but my own thoughts. 

"Uh, nothing," I reply. "I was just . . . thinking."

She nods. "Got a lot going on?"

"Um, yeah, I guess so."

"I see," she says. Then she changes the subject. "Should I bring the baby taters over now, or do you want to wait until the rest of your friends get here?"

"I'll wait," I answer. "Thanks."

She nods and walks away, leaving the menus with me. Soon after, the door chimes, and Andi and Buffy come over to plop down on the chairs across from me. 

"Hi," Andi says. "Jonah's not here yet?"

I shake my head. "Just you two so far. I feel like I haven't seen you guys in forever."

"It's been two days," Buffy says with a laugh. 

"Two days is too long," I respond. "What have you guys been up to?"

"I've been at home mostly," Andi says. "I haven't done much."

"What about you?" I ask Buffy.

"Oh, I was with—um—I was alone too. What about you? I assume you saw TJ?"

"Yeah," I say, suddenly feeling blue again. 

"Is everything okay between you two?" Andi asks.

"Of course. Why do you ask?"

"Well, you kinda look like you want to cry," Andi responds. 

I frown. "He said he doesn't like me. And I guess I always knew that. I knew I never had a chance, so it shouldn't get to me, but it does. I just—I really like him, but I don't want to. Andi, how do I get over a guy?"

"You're asking the wrong person," she replies. 

"Well, how did you get over Jonah?"

"I don't really know," she explains. "I just stopped liking him. Same as you."

"Try talking to new people," Buffy suggests. "New people often help me forget about the old people."

"And by old people, you mean Marty?" Andi asks. 

"I'm over Marty," Buffy assures us. "He's dating Kaitlin, and I honestly couldn't care less."

"You sure?" I question. 

"Yes," she states, and the certainty on her face actually makes me believe her. "I broke up with him, remember?"

"Yeah, why did you do that?" Andi asks. "I thought you really liked him."

"I did," she says, "but I—I don't anymore."

"You guys make love sound so simple," I mutter. 

Suddenly, the door flies open, and Jonah Beck walks over to sit down next to me. Buffy immediately straightens up in her seat, eyes wide as she gives him a smile. 

"Hey," Jonah says. "I have a question for you guys. You know how I joined this community ultimate team for the summer? Well, we've got our first game coming up, and I was wondering if you guys wanted to come watch."

"Of course," Andi says. 

"I can't wait," I say. 

Jonah smiles and looks to Buffy, whose eyes are on the counter while her fingers swirl around the ends of her hair. 

"Buffy?" Jonah says.

"Oh, uh, yeah," Buffy responds. 

"Cool," Jonah says. 

His eyes stay locked with Buffy's for an extra moment. Although a faint smile crosses Buffy's face, she quickly begins flickering her eyes downward, and I can tell that she's a bit uncomfortable, but I don't know why. 

Suddenly, she stands up out of her chair, saying, "I'm gonna go to the washroom."

She hurries toward the back of the diner, leaving the rest of us confused.

"That was sudden," Andi says when she's gone. 

"Yeah," Jonah says, his focus still off in the direction Buffy went.

He's brought back to us when Amber shows up with a basket of baby taters. She places it down on the table with a smile. 

"I took the liberty to get you these," she says. "I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," Andi says. "We always get baby taters."

"Great," Amber says. "I assume you want to wait until Buffy gets back, so I'll be over in a few more minutes to take your orders."

She walks away, and we all begin picking away at the basket of food in front of us. 

"Baby taters are amazing," Jonah says after swallowing one. "I may just like them more because I didn't eat breakfast today."

"Oh!" Andi interrupts. "That reminds me. You guys are coming to the pancake breakfast, right?"

"The what?" Jonah questions. 

"Right. I forgot that you were at camp last year," I say, realizing why he's so clueless. "There's a pancake breakfast that happens every summer. Buffy, Andi and I go every year."

"I'll come," Jonah says with a smile. "Where is it?"

"It's in the parking lot for the Target a few blocks down," Andi explains. "There are tons of activities and stuff too, and it's all run by volunteers."

"It's really fun," I tell him. 

"Sounds like a blast," Jonah says.

"Awesome!" Andi responds. 

I'm excited to go. Not only will I be spending time with my best friends, but I'll also be able to get my mind off TJ. Tons of people my age go to it, and I bet lots will be there who are going to Grant High School next year too, so maybe we can all meet some people there. Maybe I can do what Buffy suggested and find someone new to think about instead of TJ. 

___________________________________________

**TJ's POV**

 

As I walk up to my house after work, I notice a white Volkswagen in the driveway next to Amber's Mini Cooper. I know what that means: my brother's here. I step up onto the porch, already dreading going inside. But the TV is inside, so I guess I have to. 

I open the door quietly, wanting to sneak upstairs without being spotted, but I immediately fail at that. 

"TJ?" comes my mother's voice. 

I stop in my tracks and turn around to walk into the living room where my parents sit with my brother and his fiancée. Madison smiles big at me when she sees me, gums visible. Her fiery red hair is kept up in a clean bun, and her yellow dress drapes over her knees. 

Zach's hair is shorter than the last time I saw him, but he has the same unnatural grin. He likes to pretend that we're closer than we are, but I doubt he even knows what grade I'm in. And yet I'm his best man. I'm pretty sure my parents pressured him into that. 

"Hey, TJ," Zach says. "How are you?"

"Fine," I say. "How are you?"

"Zach got a promotion at his job," Mom tells me. 

Zach's an accountant. he went into accounting for the money, which he has a lot of now. My parents always talk about how proud they are of him, and I know they wish I could follow the same path, but I'm not good at math. They know that, but they still say every once in a while how I should work harder and be like him. 

"He's doing well," Dad says. "You know, TJ, if you focus on getting your grades up, you could go to the same university as he did and get a good job like him too. Probably not accounting, but something else just as important."

"I'm good, thanks," I mutter. 

I start to leave, but my mom's voice stops me again as she says, "TJ, you should pick out a suit for the wedding soon."

"I will," I reply. 

Then I continue toward the stairs, not wanting to hear more about my brother or his career or his wedding. Instead, I go into the room of the one person in this family whom I can talk to, and I fall back onto her bed. Amber spins around in her desk chair to look at the poor soul invading her space. 

"How's life goin', bud?" Amber asks, clearly aware of the answer already. 

"Amber, you're lucky you're straight," I tell her. 

"Is this about Cyrus?"

"No," I answer," because there's nothing with Cyrus. Cyrus will never like me, and I've accepted that. I'm learning to accept that." I sigh and sit up. "It's Mom and Dad. They want me to go to the same school as Zach and be like him, and all they talk about is him and his stupid wedding. I don't know how to be like him. I'm not like him. I'm nowhere near as smart as he is, and I'm definitely never getting a girlfriend like he has, and I don't know how I'm supposed to be him when i'm not. I'm too different."

When I'm finished ranting, Amber lets out a sigh. 

"You're allowed to be different," Amber says. "You're not him, and you don't have to be. You can to be yourself."

"Thanks for saying that. I wish Mom and Dad would say that."

"They love you. They're going to love you even if you don't fit their mould of who you should be."

"How would you know that?" 

"I just do," she states. "Have I ever been wrong?"

"Where should I begin?" I retort.

She rolls her eyes. "You should try writing down your feelings. Get a diary or something."

Suddenly, a memory zaps into my head, and I recall last night when I wrote everything out onto a page. Did I ever pick that page up? Did I leave it there? I couldn't have. But did I? What if someone I know finds it? 

"I've got to go," I say.

"Okay . . ."

I'm gone before she can even finish her response, rushing out the door without giving my parents the opportunity to ask where I'm going. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I actually wrote this part today! I know it's slow so far, but I need to build things up before I can really get into the plot. I promise it will get better. I also want to say happy pride to anyone celebrating themselves in public or private. You are all wonderful, valid people, and I wish everyone could see that. Now I'm going to embark on an emotional rant, so feel free to stop reading if you so choose. I was driving today, and I had my windows rolled down and my music up. i was jammin' out. Then Girls by girl in red came on, and I suddenly felt very insecure. I rolled up my windows when I was passing by other cars. I don't really know why. I'm just still scared that people are going t say something mean or think of me weird. I know it's all internal, but I wish I had more confidence to be open about myself and not worry so much about how others see me. I was never this self-conscious in high school, but my high school was gay as heck, so I had a lot of support around me. It was so normal to talk about anything gay, and nobody was awkward about it. Now, I know more people who aren't so comfortable with that. They're accepting and all, but they still get awkward when you mention something gay around them, and I hate having to watch my words. I want people to just treat it all the same. I want to not be scared to play a Girls/Girls/Boys with my windows down in my car. I hope I live to see the day when straight is no longer the default. Anyway, that's that, and thanks for reading. Bye!


	5. Chapter 5

**Cyrus' POV**

 

_I didn't expect anyone to respond to my note. Actually, I didn't even plan to leave it here. I was just trying to clear my head. But I'm kind of glad you found this. I don't know who you are, but what you said really helped me. It's nice to know that someone gets me._

_I hear what you're saying about straight guys getting all weird when a guy tries to flirt with them. I haven't been out to anyone for that long, though, so I've only ever really considered being with one guy, but he's a guy I can't be with. I guess we're in the same boat. I'm just trying to move on now, but it's hard to just forget about someone who means a lot to me. It's even harder when that someone is one of my best friends, and I see and talk to him literally everyday. Got any advice on getting over a guy? Anything would be appreciated._

_I'm hoping that starting high school will help. My friends say I'll meet a ton of new people there, and I'll forget about this guy fast. I sure hope they're right. Maybe I'll join the GSA club. Or maybe I won't. I guess it depends on how confident I feel about myself by then. I want to branch out and try new things, but it's also kind of scary doing that. It's new territory, and I like knowing where I am and where I'm going. Then again, I'm writing back to a stranger right now, and I have no idea how you'll respond, so maybe uncertainty isn't all bad._

_Sincerely, Seven_

 

The note's written on the back of a long Seven-Eleven receipt in tiny print. I guess I know where he got the idea for his name from. He probably didn't have any paper on him when he found my reply, but he still answered me, which makes me smile. I doddle behind my three friends on the sidewalk to keep them from seeing this as I reread the letter again. 

As I scan the words, my head tries to create a voice to pair with it, and soon I begin to wonder what this boy looks like. He's going into high school next year, which means he's my age. Maybe he went to Jefferson. Maybe he was in one of my classes. I could've met him before, but that seems highly unlikely. I picture him as a blonde-haired boy a bit taller than me with a shy smile and eyes the colour of aquamarine. Suddenly I realize I'm imagining TJ, and I shove the thought out of my brain.  _It's not him. It's someone else. It's not him._

I tuck the note back into my pocket just before Andi slows down to let me catch up to her. Buffy and Jonah don't even notice that we're not walking alongside them anymore; they're too wrapped up in their own conversation. 

"She gets really awkward when I mention his name," Andi says, motioning to Buffy and Jonah. 

"Think there's something going on?" I suggest. 

"She's playing with her hair," Andi tells me, and I look ahead to see Buffy doing just that. "There's definitely something going on."

Her look of suspicion morphs into a knowing grin as we both turn our attention to the two kids ahead of us. They're completely oblivious to the world around them, and I don't even think they notice when we get to the pancake breakfast. 

The parking lot is buzzing with energy. Kids run around, all eager to enter the bouncy houses that have been set up at the far end of the asphalt. Some teens sit on parking blocks with plates of pancakes, chatting, while others take part in the various activities around the place. 

It's only after we've gotten and finished eating our pancakes that Buffy spots the tug of war match occurring near where we dispose of our waste. She instantly glances at Jonah who raises an eyebrow at her. 

"Don't try to lose this time," Buffy tells him. 

"I never try to lose," Jonah retorts. 

"Oh, so I'm just actually that much stronger than you?"

Jonah gives her a smirk, replying, "I like to feed your ego."

Buffy laughs a little. "You like hearing me bragg?"

"No," Jonah responds. "I like seeing you smile."

Andi and I both flash wide-eyed looks to each other, but not for long, because I'm too curious to see how this interaction will play out. Buffy is clearly taken aback by Jonah's statement, for she's at a loss for words. 

Eventually, she just says, "It's on."

Jonah grins, and they both head off together in the direction of the tug of war rope, leaving Andi and I alone. 

"Should we go watch?" Andi asks. 

"And spend another two hours waiting for someone to give in? How about we check back on them in an hour, and we'll see where they're at?"

Andi chuckles, saying, "Sure. Until then, let's mingle around, meet some people."

I gaze around at the teens. They're all separated out into cliques, and I'm intimidated just looking at them. 

"Uh, or not," I respond. 

"Oh, come on," Andi pushes. "You said you wanted to get over TJ, right?"

I nod. 

"Then you need to meet new people. Like that boy over there." She points subtly toward a dark-haired boy in an Adidas hoodie. "He's cute. You should go talk to him."

"Andi, he's probably straight."

"You never know until you ask."

"I see one major flaw in that suggestion."

"What?"

"Me and new people don't exactly work together."

I hardly ever make new friends. I just stick to my old friends, because I'm comfortable with them. So talking to anyone new makes me nervous. At least face-to-face, I am. I don't know why I find it so easy to spill my guts to some random person in a letter. I just feel like I know him, like my secrets are safe with him. I think I'm content with just this mystery boy as my new person. 

Andi rolls her eyes. "Maybe it will work this time. I'm going to go say hi to Libby, so you might as well not be lonely."

"Wait—"

"See you later," she says as she gives my shoulder a pat before taking off. 

She wants me to talk to people. For a second I think maybe I'll try, but when I stand up from the parking block I'm sitting on, I feel my underarms get sweaty, and I decide that's probably not a good idea. While looking around for someone else, someone who doesn't look like a straight guy who's way out of my league, my sight catches on a familiar blonde boy standing over by one of the bouncy houses. Still a straight guy who's way out of my league, but at least I know this one already. 

He smiles when he sees me approaching, but his gaze is stolen away by the child running up to the entrance to the bouncy house. 

"Will, can you take off your shoes first please?" TJ asks the boy. 

The little boy nods and kicks off his runners before climbing up onto the inflatable building. Once TJ's done helping the boy inside, he looks to me. 

"Sorry about that," TJ says. 

"What are you doing?" I ask him. 

"Volunteering," he replies. 

_He volunteers? How did I not know this?_

Suddenly, a frantic girl comes rushing out of the bouncy house and drops onto the grass next to TJ. Practically in tears, she sticks out her hand to show him a torn origami crane. 

"It broke!" she cries. 

TJ kneels down to her height, his face going soft as he picks up the crane. 

"Hey, it's okay," her assures her. "I can make another one."

"You can?" 

"Yeah."

The girl smiles and throws her arms around TJ's neck, pulling him into a hug. TJ reacts late, but hugs her back gently before letting go. 

"Now go have fun again," TJ says. 

"Okay," the girl responds. "Bye, TJ."

"Bye, Danielle."

The girl climbs back inside the bouncy house, and TJ stands back up, turning to see my curious face. 

"What?" he says. 

"Do all of the volunteers know the kids by their names?" I ask. 

"Oh," he says, understanding my confusion. "No, I know them from my work at the gym."

I had forgotten that TJ works with kids. The idea of that certainly doesn't help my crush on him disappear, but I'm able to keep my emotions under enough control to maintain a normal conversation with him. 

"That's right. You work. That's why you can never hang out during the day."

"Well, I'm free tonight," he says. 

It wasn't my intention to make him think I wanted to see him again. Obviously, I do, but I shouldn't, because I'm trying to get over him, but I can't really say no, and I don't exactly want to. 

"Sure. Um, we can go to my place," I respond. 

"Works for me," TJ says. 

Something does feel weird about making plans to see TJ again when I know that we're only ever going to be friends. I guess I used to have a small spark of hope that he could like me, but now I know that he doesn't. Now I'm going to move on, but I keep coming back to him even when I have the opportunity to meet other people. But there's still this letter in my pocket from someone whom I connect with so easily. I don't know how or why, but I'm drawn to his every word. I wonder if he's also thinking about me, wondering who I am and what I look like. I wonder if he's keeping my letter in his pocket the way I am with his. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever. Now I'm tired, so I'm going to bed. I love you all! Have a good night! Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**TJ's POV**

 

_I'm actually starting high school as well next year, so I know it's a bit scary going into a new place with no idea of how people will see or accept you. But if you do go to the GSA club, I might see you there. I assume you'll be going to Grant too, since it is the only high school in Shadyside. Unless you go to the city for school. I spend most of my time in Shadyside. I don't think I'd like it in the city. Too loud. I like the quiet of this town and the way I can walk across it if I set aside a few hours. You can't walk across the city. But that's just my opinion. I can see how living in a city could be appealing. It would be lively and exciting. You'd never know what's just around the corner. But I find comfort in knowing what's happening. I like knowing what shops will be open and what cars will be parked where each day. I think it makes me feel like, if I can't have control of everything, at least I have control of this. And I guess I don't control any of it, but I do know what to expect. And when everything else in the world is so spontaneous, it's nice to have a little stability._

_Sincerely, Eleven_

 

The paper is torn at one corner from where something had been messing with it. I feel oddly protective of the note. It's nothing important—just a letter from some boy I don't even know the face of—but I feel like I need to keep it from getting wrecked. This boy put in the effort to write me back, so I don't want his effort to go to waste. 

Cars zoom past me, sending rushes of wind toward the paper, making it crinkle in my hands, but I do my best to keep it flat. I could put it in my pocket to keep it safe, but, every time I start to tuck it away, I pull it back out, needing reassurance that it's there. 

I have to put it away when I reach Cyrus' house, though. He doesn't know about . . . well, anything I've told the letter boy. I guess with Cyrus I've just always felt the need to watch myself to make sure I didn't say too much, which also kept me from really opening up to him. With letter boy—who's name definitely isn't Eleven, but I guess that's what I'll call him—I don't have to worry about anything I say. If I slip up, he doesn't know me, so it doesn't matter. Plus, I don't think he'd judge me if I did. 

Cyrus opens the door a few seconds after I knock, and he greets me with a smile as he steps aside to let me in. 

"Teej," he says. "How was the rest of volunteering?"

"Pretty good," I reply. 

Cyrus closes the door behind me while I take off my shoes. 

"What do you want to do?" he asks me. 

"You still got that ping pong table? I think I've gotten a lot better."

"Yeah? You think you can make a rally last more than three seconds now?"

He grins at his own comment before turning to head toward the stairs. I follow him down into the basement then claim the far side of the ping pong table as mine. Cyrus picks up his paddle and the ball and does the first serve. I hit it back, scoring a point for myself. 

"You have gotten better," Cyrus says. 

"I told you."

He smiles and picks the ball up from the ground to serve it again. While we rally the ball back and forth over the net, Cyrus is able to talk at the same time. 

"So you make origami?"

The question causes me to lose my focus, and the ball whips past me, scoring Cyrus a point. Cyrus is grinning when I look over to him, clearly pleased with his win. 

"Not fair," I say. "You distracted me."

"Sorry, but you should keep your head in the game."

"Who are you? Troy Bolton?"

Cyrus laughs, and I bend down to pick up the ball. 

"But really," he says. "I didn't know you could make origami."

I shrug. "I make things for the kids sometimes. It's a really cheap way to make them feel better."

"That's so sweet," Cyrus says. "What made you want to watch kids as a job? I wouldn't have pegged you as a kids kind of guy."

I sit the ping pong ball down on the table to explain more without the distraction of a game, and Cyrus doesn't seem to mind. 

"I don't know," I respond. "I guess it's just kinda fun, you know? Kids are so carefree, and they say the most random stuff, and they're so . . . undetermined. Like, they could be anyone. One word I say could completely change what they do in life."

"I've never thought about that before," Cyrus says. 

"Have you not worked with kids before? Have you never babysat?"

"Nope. I'd rather not be responsible for another person's life. The most responsibility I could have right now would probably be a goldfish."

"I used to have a fish," I say.

"You did?" Cyrus says curiously. "What was its name?"

"France. I had it for about a month before I accidentally killed it."

His mouth drops open and his eyebrows turn up in horror.

"How?" he questions.

"I was only four okay," I tell him. "I thought his tank was dirty so I sprayed it with Lysol."

"TJ!" he shouts, torn between laughing and getting upset. "You killed your fish with Lysol?"

"I was four!" I repeat, trying not to chuckle at the absurd memory. "I was trying to help it."

Cyrus shakes his head, holding back a grin as he says, "Fish murderer."

"Hey, I'm sure you did something just as dumb when you were a kid."

"Nope," Cyrus insists. "I was perfect."

I chuckle at his stubbornness. "Come on."

"Okay," Cyrus says with a sigh. "Well, when I was in grade one, my elementary school used to have a ton of dandelions in the field. So one day I picked a whole bunch and gave them to my teacher."

"That's nice," I comment.

"It turns out she was allergic to dandelions," Cyrus says. "She had to go home, and my class was split up to join the other classes for the rest of the day. Everyone in my class said I killed her."

"You didn't right?" I check.

He shakes his head with a faint smile. "Thankfully, no."

"What did she say the next day?"

"She was really nice about it and told me not to feel bad, but I still felt bad. I kept apologizing for the whole next week every time I spoke to her."

"You're so soft," I respond, smiling at his story. 

"You are too!" he reflects back. 

"That's right," I say, feeling my face warm. "And you better not tell anyone."

"Not a soul," Cyrus agrees. 

He smiles at me, but it's different. It doesn't make me melt the way it used to. Instead, I feel sturdy, like I'm being held up rather than dropped. It feels like, rather than walking a tightrope, I'm in the centre of a street, with no height to fear falling. It feels safe—and I don't really know why. 

The nerves that used to keep me from sharing my thoughts have faded. Talking right now just feels more natural, not the way it did when I still thought Cyrus could like me. There's no reason for me to hide my rough edges when we're only ever going to be just friends. I'm not trying to be perfect for him anymore.

______________________________________

**Cyrus' POV**

 

With TJ gone home, I find my mind wandering back to the letter in my pocket whenever I try to focus on anything. Eventually, I just decide I won't be able to fall asleep tonight if I don't go see if the boy has written back yet, so I put on a hoodie and my shoes and head out. 

The ring of wind chimes echoes throughout the orange neighbourhood. My shadow is about thirty feet tall, extending out over the road as a fuzzy blob among the dim lighting of tonight. After crossing the street to get to the park, I pass by the swing set to get to the rock where I see a bright white piece of paper. 

When I kneel down to pick up the page, I pause to look back at the swings. I just walked by those swings without thinking of TJ. My fingers fiddle with the paper on the grass as I keep my eyes on the swing set. I can't remember if this is what happened when I stopped liking Jonah. I remember liking him a lot and then just not. I've been keeping my distance from TJ, but I wonder if I'd feel my heart skip like it used to if we touched again. 

I unfold the paper in my hands and return my attention to it. 

 

_I stay in Shadyside most of the time too. I don't think I'd like the business of living in a city. And I get what you mean about liking to feel like not everything is out of your control. I think that's part of why I'm so scared to come out. Once I tell people, I don't have control anymore, and they can do whatever they want with that information. I'd rather keep my control over that._

_Sometimes it's nice to just take a break from everything. There's this spot by the river where I go to. If you use the entrance by the house with the purple roof, go left and you'll find a tree with two branches wound together like liquorice. Turn right at that tree and walk through the plants. You'll find this place with a shore of rocks which jets into the water, closed in by trees on three sides. That's where I like to go when I want to be alone to think about things in a place where everything is steady._

_But there is something nice about not knowing what's going to happen. I met you by accident, which is a good thing._

_– Seven_

 

I know that place. I know the house and the tree, but I've never turned right at it before, so I decide to try it. When I find the spot, it's exactly like in the letter says but far calmer. It's like the water recognizes my need for everything to be gentle, so it rushes slower and smoother around the rocky peak. I lower down onto the rocks and lie back to stare up at the foliage-covered sky. I see why Seven likes it here. It feels safe, like the worst thing that can happen to me would be to get a mosquito bite. 

I do feel a little disappointed, though, after fifteen silent minutes go by. I think I wanted to find him here. I wanted to see his face and hear his voice. I wanted to know what a real person looks like. A real person—not someone who tries to act like they're better than they are or like they have everything figured out. He's real to me, even though he's just letters on a page. I wish I could be real like that with everyone, but that's just not how people are. People aren't real. But he is. At least, he is to me. 

After lying in quiet for a while, it's refreshing to hear the splash when I pick up one of the stones next to me and throw it into the water. I've never been able to skip rocks, but I've just accepted that at this point. I toss another pebble, and it plummets to the bottom of the river like the rest.

"Why do emotions have to be so hard?" I whisper to no one but myself and the world. "Can I just find the boy I'm meant to be with already?"

I sit up in surprise when I hear two clacks on the water rather than just one. My stone just skipped, and I didn't even get to see it happen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. How's life? I'm doing pretty okay. Anyway, thank you for reading this chapter. I'll try to get another up tomorrow. I love you all. I also love A&W Beyond Meat Burgers, so if you haven't tried it yet, try it. It's real good, and it helps the planet by being meat free. Less meat means less water used and less greenhouse gasses emitted. Also, if everyone in the world became vegetarian, we'd be able to feed everyone with all the food we use to feed livestock. That's my activism for the day. I hope y'all have a grand ol' time in life. I guess some of y'all are done school now. How's that? Relieved to be finished? That's all I have to say, so yeah. Bye!


	7. Chapter 7

**TJ's POV**

 

_I went to that spot by the river to see it. You were right. It was really calming, and it was like everything was slowing down to let me think. I usually go to the park when I want to feel better, but it's nowhere near as amazing as that spot by the river. I kind of wish I had gone there sooner, but I usually just like to appreciate the outdoors from the comfort of indoors. Other then the mosquitoes, though, I don't actually mind the outdoors. Well, I'm also not a fan of mud. That stems from a bike ride gone wrong last year. My friend ended up carrying me the rest of the way, but that's a story for another time._

_Anyway, how are things with your brother and your family? I don't really have anything new going on, so tell me about your life so I can live mine through it. I'm kidding—sort of. How is coming out coming?_

_– Eleven_

 

"What's that?" Heart asks, looking over my shoulder. 

I instantly close the letter and spin around to keep her prying eyes away. Around us, the kids play, not paying attention to us at all. They're too busy practicing their tricks to care about what we're talking about.

Outside, rain splatters down on the concrete. It only started sprinkling once I was already at the gym, so walking home will be quite a time. I'm just hoping it doesn't start pouring, because right now it's not that bad. Still, I'd rather not get soaked on the way home.

"Is it a secret or something?" she wonders, confused by my reaction. 

"No, it's just—" I try to find the right answer, but I don't really know how to explain why I want to keep it to myself so badly "—important." I slide the note into my back pocket as I take in a breath. "It's this boy."

"A boy," Heart says. "Not Cyrus?"

"No. I don't actually know who it is—"

"Interesting," she says, crossing her arms. 

"We've been writing letters. He's not like anyone I've ever met before. He just understands me."

Heart nods slowly, a smile forming on her face. "I'm impressed."

"By what?"

"You're talking about someone other than Cyrus," she says. 

"Yeah, I am," I respond softly. 

I haven't even thought about Cyrus yet today. 

"How's everything else going?" she asks. "How's your brother's wedding coming?"

"Fine," I answer, "but Madison would say it's going horribly just because she couldn't find the flowers she wanted for the centre pieces. She's stressing out over this wedding, which makes my parents stressed, which means Amber and I are the last things they focus on. Oh, except when it's about something we need to do for the wedding. I'm going shopping for a tux after work. I get to try on suits alone for something I don't even care about, let alone want to spend money on."

"You doing that alone?" 

"Well, Amber was going to come with me, but now she's hanging out with Iris, so yeah, I'm doing that alone."

"I've still never met Amber before," Heart mentions. 

"Well, you could meet her if you give me a ride home," I suggest. 

"You really need a ride?" 

"It's raining."

"Barely."

"It could get worse on the way home."

"You could take the bus."

"Or you could just give in now and agree to drive me," I say. 

"I'm just giving you a hard time," she says, giving my shoulder a shove. "I'll drive you."

"Thanks."

The door to the gym flies open, getting our attention, and we both turn to see Trinity's mother step in. Immediately, the little girl runs up to her mom, and her mom bends down to give her a big hug. When the two let each other go, Trinity's mother, Joanne, stands up and looks to us.

"How was she?" Joanne asks. 

"She was great," Heart answers, "as always."

"I can do a headstand!" Trinity says. 

"You taught her a headstand?" Joanne says in surprise.

"She taught herself," I correct. "She's pretty skilled."

Joanne smiles at her daughter. While she does that, I notice a purple blotch on her jawline. I've never noticed it before, so the bruise must be new. But I decide against asking about it, since that would probably be considered rude. 

Trinity gives Heart and I each one last hug before heading off with her mother. Once the rest of the kids have been picked up by their parents, Heart and I peek into the office at the back of the gym to say goodbye to our manager before leaving as well. 

Heart shows me down the wet sidewalk to where her car is parked: a forest green Ford F-150 truck. I don't know why I'm surprised. This is so Heart I find it hard to believe it exists. A tiny plush Mickey Mouse head hangs by a string from her rearview mirror. I notice how matted the fluff on it is when I climb into shotgun, getting out of the drizzling rain.

"Where'd you get this?" I ask, nodding toward it. 

She starts the engine as she replies, "It was my grandma's—my other grandma's, not the one who cooks. She gave it to me when I was twelve. Actually, I came out to her right after."

"Really? Wow."

"Yeah," Heart says. "She was my best friend."

"Is she . . .?"

"She's dead now," Heart replies without me needing to finish my question. "But she loved me, and she helped me become confident in myself."

"That's really nice," I mutter. "I'm still working on that—being confident."

"You'll get there," Heart assures me. 

"After I buy a tux," I say. "Any chance you want to give me money?"

"Any chance you want to pay for gas?" she counters. 

"Never mind," I say.

"That's what I thought." She glances over with a grin. 

"Want to come keep me company?" I ask next. 

"I would, but I can't," she replies. "Why don't you invite a friend. Bring Cyrus. From what you've said, it sounds like he'd be good at picking suits."

"I thought about it before," I admit, "but I want to avoid spending more time with him. I think my crush is finally starting to go away, and I really don't want it to come back."

"Makes sense."

She pulls the truck over to the curb in front of my house. She's driven me home many times before, so I don't have to tell her which house it is. The lights are on in the living room, showing that someone's home, but my brother's car isn't here, so it's not him. I unbuckle my seatbelt and look over to Heart. 

"You gonna come to the door?" I ask. "I did say you could meet my sister."

"Sure, why not," Heart responds. "I can finally put a face to the name."

Heart and I get out of the car. The rain has stopped, but the ground still gleams with water. After walking up to the front door, it takes a second of jiggling for me to get the key to work and unlock the house. Heart stays outside but scans the entryway. 

"I like the rug," she says. 

She points to the earth-toned mat under my feet, which is outlined by red tassels. 

"My mom picked it out," I say. 

She nods, glancing around at the rest of the place. While she does that, I turn to call to my sister. 

"Amber!"

The girl comes thumping down the stairs, not realizing we have company. 

"TJ, what do you . . ." She stops talking when she sees Heart standing on the porch. "Oh, hi. Heart, right?"

As Amber steps over to the door, Heart is stuck in a stare, as though pulled away from everything else around her. I realize what's going on when I have to give Heart's shoulder a tap to get her to snap out of it. 

"Oh, yeah," she says. "And you're Amber, TJ's sister?"

"That is I," Amber says. 

What I find most interesting is the way Amber looks right back at Heart, creating a place for Heart's eyes to lock onto. 

"TJ never told me how pretty you were," Heart says.

I roll my eyes at the compliment, but Amber has a much different reaction. She smiles, and her face begins to go pink as she drops her eyes down to her hands.  _Is she blushing? Why is she blushing?_

"Same goes for you," Amber responds. 

"Okay, well, I'm gonna go," I interrupt. Both girls look at me as though they'd forgotten I was even here. "Have fun with . . . whatever is happening here."

"I've got to go too," Heart says. She turns around to leave, reaching for the doorknob, but then stops to ask one more thing. "Hey, what's your opinion on movies?"

"I like movies," Amber replies. 

"Good," Heart says, giving my sister one last once-over. "I'll keep that in mind."

Amber smiles, and Heart pulls the door shut behind herself. 

"She seems nice," Amber says to me when Heart's gone. 

While my sister turns to go back upstairs, I open the door to go outside and stop Heart before she drives away. She's almost to her car when I shout to her. 

"Heart!"

She spins around to face me, an innocent look on her face. "Yes?"

"You know Amber's straight, right?" I tell her. 

She raises an eyebrow. "You sure about that?"

She grins and turns around again to continue toward her truck, leaving me with her question. I am sure. Amber would tell me if she liked girls.

"I don't want you to waste your time," I say as Heart yanks open the door to her truck. 

"I'm not!" she shouts back. 

Then the vehicle roars to life, and the girl drives off down the street. 

_______________________________________

The tux is black and simple, but the waistcoat is where my brother got creative. It's burgundy with a subtle diamond pattern. I kind of wish I had been able to choose my own tie and waistcoat, but those were the parts my brother had already picked out. I only got a choice over which black suit I wanted, so not really much of a choice. I finish doing up the black tie and inspect myself in the mirror above the bathroom sink. 

All of a sudden, I hear a voice come from the open doorway. 

"Looks good."

I turn to see Cyrus smiling as he looks me down and up. I feel a little dumb wearing a tux in the middle of the day, but I can't exactly get rid of it.

"Amber let me in," he explains. "I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," I respond. "I just wasn't expecting you."

"I can tell," he says. "You never dress this formal to see me."

He grins and steps up to feel the sleeve of my jacket. 

"It's for my brother's wedding," I explain. "He's getting married next week, and I'm his best man."

"You've never mentioned your brother before," Cyrus says. "Are you close?"

"Not really," I admit. "We don't hang out or anything."

"But you're his best man?"

"My parents convinced him. So I had to get a suit. All the other pieces were chosen by my brother."

"I assume the theme is red," Cyrus says. 

"Yup. That's what Madison, the bride, wants. I don't really get why weddings need to have a colour theme."

"It's part of the fun," Cyrus says. "Your wedding is the only day when you can be as picky as you want without judgement."

"You can also spend insane amounts of money without judgement," I say. "This suit costed almost three hundred dollars."

"I've heard of more expensive suits than that. You should've brought me to help pick it."

"You don't like the one I picked?" I question. 

"No, it's perfect," he says. "I just would've liked to be there."

_There's a reason why I didn't bring you. But I can't tell you that._

"Well, you can come to the wedding if you want."

I only realize what I just said once it's already out of my mouth, and now it's too late to take it back. He seems caught off guard by the question, and I'm hoping that means he's going to say no, because I don't need to spend more time with him than I already do. Why did I ask that? I don't like him as much as I used to anymore. I think I'm starting to like Eleven, whoever he is. But Cyrus reminds me of him a little in the way he talks, except Cyrus is less deep than Eleven. I must just have a type. 

"Sure," Cyrus responds. 

"Cool," I say, taking in a breath to try to keep myself from getting worried. 

I'm not going to start liking him again. I just invited him because he's my friend, and I get a plus one, so this is really nothing to stress over. It's nothing. It can't be anything. I don't want it to be something again. I just want to get rid of all my feelings for him so that I can move on with my life and find someone I really connect with, not a boy who will never like me back. 

"Um, I never asked why you came here," I say.

"I was just out walking and I was wondering if you wanted to hang out," Cyrus answers. 

He looks at me, and I notice something different happening—or not happening. My heartbeat doesn't speed up like it used to. I think that's a good thing; I think I actually am getting over him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am now going to dye my hair again, because my roots are awful. Um, I bought a neon green suit for this dance thing that happens at my work, and I'm ready to look bomb as heck. It's in October, but hey, you can't be too prepared. Or maybe you can be. Here's hoping I don't get fired before then. But I probably won't. I need to get a white button-up shirt to tie dye yellow to wear with it. Or purple. Can yall comment and vote. With a neon green suit, should I have a yellow shirt or a purple shirt? Yes, my sense of style is kinda weird, but that's chill. I'm also watching Ghost Whisperer, which is my third favorite show after Gravity Falls and Andi Mack. Y'all should watch it if you haven't. Anyway, thanks for reading! I love you! Yes, you. Not the person next to you. You. So yeah, have a good day!


	8. Chapter 8

**Cyrus' POV**

 

"Hey, which suit should I wear?" I hold my phone across the table in The Spoon to show my friends the options. "I like the blue one, but I wore that to my bar mitzvah already, and the red is also nice, and it fits the theme—"

"Cyrus, what is this for?" Buffy interrupts. 

"The wedding," I answer.

"Um, we know you and TJ like each other," Andi starts with a chuckle, "but don't you think you're moving a little fast?"

I shake my head as Jonah and Buffy laugh along too. 

"Not my wedding. TJ's brother's."

"He invited you to his brother's wedding?" Buffy says. "Like as his date?"

"No. Just his plus one."

"Is that not the same thing?" Jonah asks. 

"It's not," I insist, "because TJ doesn't like me, and I don't like him."

Buffy laughs at that. "Since when?"

"Since . . . I don't know. I just don't. Now which suit?" I ask again, trying to change the subject. 

I know they'll bug me for an explanation if I say I like someone else, and I kind of want to keep it to myself. I just feel like once I tell them about Seven, it's no longer a daydream, which means I'll have to face the truth that he might not like me. Why should he? I'm just a boy in a letter. 

"Are the bridesmaids and groomsmen wearing red?" Andi asks. 

I nod.

"Then wear the blue," she says. "It's not good to wear the same colour as them."

"Okay, or I have this other blue one," I say as I show them the phone again.

"That's grey," Buffy says. 

"It's blue," I disagree. "It's greyish-blue, but it's blue."

"I like it," Jonah says. 

"Yeah? I do too. Okay, I'll wear this one."

As I tuck my phone away in my pocket, Amber shows up with our plates and sets them down on the table. I pull my waffles over to myself and dig in with my fork. While Jonah picks at his pancakes, Buffy's eyes keep flicking over to his food, away from her own plate of hash browns, eggs and bacon. 

Eventually, he catches on and says, "Go ahead."

She grins and cuts a piece of Jonah's pancake with her fork to steal for herself. 

"Don't take his food," Andi says. "He needs that. He has his ultimate game today."

"It's okay," Jonah says. 

"Good," Buffy responds. "Any chance you'll be getting dessert?"

"So you can eat it?" Jonah questions. 

Buffy's lips crack into a smile. 

"Sure," Jonah answers. 

"Good," Buffy says again. "I'll pay."

"You don't have to—"

"That's not a choice," Buffy states. 

Jonah quiets, and a smile grows on his face. "Okay."

Andi and I share a glance, both obviously aware of the chemistry between our two friends. I'm surprised I never noticed it before. I badly want to ask Buffy about it, but I know it would become awkward if I asked right now. Fortunately, there will be lots of time to talk to her alone while Jonah's playing Frisbee later today. 

________________________________________

Lawn chairs are set up on either side of the field to hold up those who are too proud to sit on the grass. Buffy, Andi and I aren't in that category. We're sprawled out on the green, watching Jonah and his team as they fling the Frisbee around. Buffy's eyes stay especially focused on our friend, for she doesn't even notice Andi and I talking beside her.

"It's funny," Andi says. "I never thought Buffy would end up liking Jonah."

"I think they're cute together," I say. 

"Me too. I'm glad it never worked out with me and him."

"You are?"

"Yeah," Andi confirms. "I think I needed some time alone. I realized that I really don't need a boyfriend to be happy."

"Good for you," I tell her. "You're already amazing on your own."

"So are you," Andi says, giving my shoulder a squeeze.

All of a sudden, the Frisbee flies over the crowd and toward the playground. My eyes follow Jonah's teammate as he runs after it. It lands next to a big rock, under which I notice a familiar white sheen. While everyone else's eyes return to the continuing game, mine stay on the paper by the rock. 

"I'll be right back," I tell Andi. 

I'm up and gone before she can respond, going over to pick up the note on the grass. I smile when I begin reading the message. 

 

_Nothing's changed much. I still haven't worked up the courage to come out to my family yet. Even if I do, they're too tied up with my brother's life to pay attention. My sister is the only person I can really talk to about it, but she also has her own stuff to worry about. My brother still doesn't seem to care much about me. I wonder what he would even say if I told him I was gay. He's never even doubted his sexuality. He's always known he was straight, and now he's getting married to the most basic homecoming queen girl there is. That's all anyone in my family seems to care about these days. I just feel like I'm on the outside, like I'm trying to be a part of a puzzle I don't fit into. I'm not sure if you know what I mean or if I'm even making any sense. But I'm glad I have you to talk to. It helps._

_– Seven_

 

"Who's Seven?"

I spin around to see Andi standing behind me. I quickly fold the note up and put it in my pocket, but she's already seen it. 

"Nobody. It's . . ."

Andi gives me a look of disbelief, folding her arms over her chest. 

"He's going to Grant next year," I confess. "He left a letter about how he's gay and has no one to talk to, so I wrote back."

"Is he the reason you don't like TJ anymore?" Andi asks. 

I nod.

"Have you met him in person?"

I shake my head. "I want to, but I'm scared that he won't like me."

"Cyrus, he'll like you."

Andi smiles and steps in to give me a hug. Over her shoulder, I notice my other friend approaching. 

"You guys just got up and left," Buffy says. "What's going on?"

Andi lets me go, and we both turn to give Buffy 'are you serious?' looks.

"I told you I was going to talk to Cyrus," Andi says. "You were too busy drooling over Jonah to hear me."

Her eyes go wide at the accusation. "I have not— I didn't— Okay, fine! I like him!"

A victorious smile crosses Andi's face. "Obviously! Why didn't you tell us?"

"Both of you have liked him before," Buffy says. "I wasn't sure how you guys would react."

"Buffy, you having a crush is huge," I tell her. "You can like Jonah." 

"Besides," Andi says, "it seems like he likes you too."

"You think so?" Buffy asks.

She glances back at the boy running around the field with his teammates then looks to us again. 

"Maybe," she says. 

"Definitely," I correct.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't even that long of a chapter, but it took a while to write. Um, I'm going to try to update again today, but we'll see how that goes. Thank you so much for reading! I love you all! Bye!


	9. Chapter 9

**TJ's POV**

 

"You invited Cyrus to Zach's wedding?" Lester exclaims. "You didn't invite us, and we've known you since third grade."

"It kinda just slipped out," I say. 

"What?" Reed asks, his eyes glued to the television. 

Lester snatches the controller out of his hands, ending the blare of gunshots coming through the speakers. 

"Dude, you're gonna get me killed!" Reed complains. 

One more gunshot causes the screen to go red, and Reed throws his hands up in defeat. 

"If you want to know what happened, then pay attention," Lester orders. "TJ invited Cyrus to be his date to his brother's wedding."

"It's not a date!" I deny. "It's as friends. I was telling him about how Zach is getting married, and the next thing I knew I was asking him to come. I don't know why."

"I know why," Reed says. "You like him so much that you can't help it."

"I don't, though. I—"

"Hold up. This is news to me," Reed cuts me off. "Since when do you not like Cyrus?"

I freeze, debating in my head how to answer that. After a few seconds, I decide it's time to let my friends in on my alter ego.

"Since this."

I take out and unfold the piece of paper from my pocket. My two friends scan it curiously. 

 

_You can always talk to me. And I like talking to you. I guess we're lucky that the letters haven't gotten taken by someone else. Maybe I just jinxed it. I hope not. I don't want to stop getting letter back from you. They make my day everyday and give me something to think about. I don't know why, but it's just so easy to tell you things. Easier than with other people._

_My friends are great and all, but two of them have their_ _romance to worry about,_ _and, while the other cares a lot about me, I don't think she could understand a lot of the stuff we talk about. Although they're my best friends, we definitely differ on some things. Like how it's supposed to thundershower tonight. I've never liked thundershowers, but none of my friends mind them. I get scared by the lighting, which is probably stupid and unreasonable, but I just don't like how sporadic it is. It could strike anything and destroy it. Am I overreacting? Probably. Sorry, this was a pointless rant._

_– Eleven_

 

"Why is he named after the girl from Stranger Things?" Reed asks. 

I snatch the note back for myself, saying, "That's not his real name."

"So you don't actually know who he is?"

"Well, no, but—"

"He could be a murderer," Reed reasons. 

"He's not," I say. "He's too sweet to be a murderer."

"You really like the awkward but cute type of boys, huh?" Lester says. 

"I don't try to, but I guess so," I respond. 

_________________________________________

"Hey, has Trinity shown up yet?" Heart asks. 

The gym is extra noisy this afternoon due to the thunder outside. Every time it strikes, it's followed by a rumble of cries and screams from the kids, which are matched by Will shouting for everyone to calm down. Although young, he doesn't get scared easily, which means he finds it annoying when other people show fright. Trinity would usually be hugging my leg and burying her face into my shorts every time a crack roars out, but she's not today. She isn't here, which has both Heart and I concerned. 

I shake my head. "Nope."

Heart crosses her arms and plays with the sleeves of her hoodie as she always does when she's nervous. 

"She probably just stayed home because of the rain," she reasons. 

"Sure," I agree. "I know people who wouldn't go out in the rain. Like Amber. She hates the rain."

I barely hear Heart mumble her response, "Didn't seem like it when she kissed me last night."

I snap my focus to her, and she quickly looks behind her, blatantly trying to avoid my eyes. 

"Heart! What the—"

"Watch your language, Kippen," she warns. "You're around kids."

"What the heck?" I say after adjusting my words. "You kissed my sister? In the rain?"

"She kissed me," Heart says with a grin on her face.

"But she's straight."

"I hate to break it to you, dude, but she's definitely not straight," Heart says with a laugh. 

"So you and my sister . . . are . . ."

"Come on, Kippen, you can figure this out."

"You're . . ."

"God, you're slow," she groans. "I'm dating your sister."

It takes another minute for that to work through my head. Heart likes my sister, Amber, and Amber likes her, which means Amber's not straight like she said she was. So Amber either lied to me or she didn't know that she liked girls until she met Heart. Wait, so my co-worker caused my sister's sexual awakening? Ew. 

"You're dating my sister?" I say when it finally sinks in. 

"So how's your brother's wedding coming?" Heart says as an obvious attempt to change the subject. 

"Don't—"

Suddenly, Danielle's head spins around from where she was looking out the window, and she shouts, "Someone's getting married?"

"My brother is," I tell her. 

She scurries up to me, causing a few more kids to turn to watch our conversation. 

"Can I come?" she asks. "I love weddings!"

"Unfortunately, no," I reply. 

She frowns. "Can I come to your wedding?"

"If I get married, sure."

She smiles and runs back to her friends, and I turn to see Heart grinning. 

"I can't believe you're dating my sister," I mutter. 

"Yes, we already established that."

"Heart, promise me you won't hurt her."

Her grin softens a little as she says, "I promise."

__________________________________________

Amber is at work when I get home, so I can't confront her about the Heart situation until the evening when she knocks gently on my door frame, and I look up from my phone to see her walking in. 

"Hey," she says. 

"Hey," I respond. "How was work?"

"Good. Um, I need to tell you something."

She closes the door carefully behind her, and I sit up straighter, pretty sure I know what she wants to say. 

"Go ahead," I say. 

She takes a moment to inhale and exhale deeply before saying, "I'm gay."

All I respond with is, "Yeah."

"Yeah?" she repeats. "That's it?"

"Heart kinda already told me you guys were dating," I explain. 

"Oh," she says. "That saves me a lot of explaining. You're not mad, are you?"

"Amber, of course I'm not mad," I tell her. "It's a lot to find out you're gay. And Heart's a great person."

"That's good to hear," she says with a smile. "I thought you might find it weird having your friend date your sister."

"Well, yeah, I did, but I got over it."

She smiles and steps toward the door again. 

"Okay, well, I'll see you later," she says. Then she adds, "Thanks."

"No problem," I respond. "What's a brother for?"

She opens the door and turns to leave but stops when she sees our giant of a brother standing on the other side. She tilts her head up to look at him when he speaks. 

"Hey, Amber."

"Hey," she says, sounding slightly confused. "What's up?"

"Well, I just came to talk to TJ for a bit."

"I'll leave you to it, then."

She shoots me a glance before gliding out past him. Zach steps into the room and comes over to sit down on my bed, but I'm back on my phone, scrolling through Instapic. He clears his throat to try to get my attention, but it only pisses me off further, so I continue to ignore him.

He sighs and tries something else, saying, "How was your day?"

"Good," I reply.

Silence follows, so he asks, "What did you do?"

"I went to work."

"Right. Work. Of course," he says, letting out a chuckle to pretend like he actually knows what I'm talking about.

"Zach, you don't know where I work," I say, finally fed up with him. 

"You've never told me."

"You've never asked."

"Well, now I'm asking," he says. "Where do you work?"

"I work at a gym for kids," I explain. 

"Really? I didn't think you'd like that kind of job."

"You don't know anything about me," I say. "You've never tried to talk to me or get to know me or do anything with me. Why do you care now?"

He stands up from my bed and looks down at the carpet, almost making me feel bad for saying what I did, but it's true. 

"You're my brother," he says. 

"Doesn't feel like it," I mutter. 

"TJ, I don't want us to be strangers."

"When did you decide that?" I ask, my voice flat. 

He ignores my question, instead saying, "Let's hang out on my next day off."

"Fine," I respond. "What do you want to do?"

"Do you play golf?" he asks. 

"Not at all. Do you play basketball?"

"You play basketball?"

"I was the team captain," I tell him. 

"Okay," he says as he lets out a breath. "A little one-on-one at the park?"

"Sure, whatever."

He nods and goes toward the door, but he stops in the doorway to say one last thing. 

"TJ, I want to try to get to know you. Can you please let me?"

I'm taken aback by the question. He's never cared before, and I find it hard to believe he cares now, but his eyes seem genuine. 

"Okay," I say, not sure how else to respond. 

"Okay," he breathes before disappearing into the hallway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES. I SAID I'D POST AGAIN, AND I DID. I FEEL ACCOMPLISHED. Anyway, have a good night. Get ready for more of TJ and Cyrus together in the next chapter. I've got big plans. Love y'all. Have a good night!


	10. Chapter 10

**TJ's POV**

 

I've lost track of how many letters there are stuffed in my nightstand drawer at this point. The latest one stays in my pocket as it always does, but I don't pull it out today, for I get distracted by the sight of a face that was missing for the past couple days. Heart notices only a second before me, and she runs up to hug the girl. Strands of Trinity's hair fall out of her braids and over her face, but she doesn't even care to blow them away. Heart stays crouched down even after she lets the girl go. 

"Where have you been?" Heart asks. 

"I was moving!" Trinity squeaks. 

"What do you mean?"

"My mommy got a new house for just us," Trinity explains. 

"Just you and your mom?"

Trinity nods. "My daddy isn't going to be mean to us anymore. I even got a Toy Story blanket for my bed!"

Trinity runs up to me next, and Heart's eyes follow the girl to her new location. Trinity's chin rises to the sky as she looks up at me. 

"I missed you!" she tells me. 

"You too, Trinity," I say. 

When I kneel down, I am immediately engulfed in a hug. Eventually, she lets go and scurries off to talk to her friends. 

"So I guess she's okay," Heart says, coming over to me. 

"Yeah," I respond, but my mind stays on something she said. "Her dad was mean to her?"

Heart takes in a breath as her smile fades. "She's okay now."

"But I should've said something. I thought something was going on—"

"TJ, you didn't know," she reasons. "Neither of us knew. Yes, we should've thought deeper into some things that seemed off, but we can't redo it, and she's okay."

She gives my shoulder a pat of reassurance, then her eyes fall away from me and toward the door which I hear opening behind me. I spin around to see Cyrus standing at the door with a shy smile. As he steps over to me, Heart doesn't hesitate to introduce herself. 

"You must be Cyrus. I'm Heart."

"I'm—" Cyrus stops, realizing now that Heart already knows his name "—yeah, Cyrus." He looks at me. "Hi, TJ."

"Hey," I say. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just passing by and wanted to say—well—hi."

I find myself smiling at the boy involuntarily. Even though I've moved on, it's hard to deny how cute he is. 

"On that note," Heart says, "my shift is over. I'll see you tomorrow. Or maybe tonight, depending on if Amber wants to go out or stay in."

She grins and whips around to grab her belongings before leaving through the door. Cyrus gives me a confused look.

"She's friends with Amber?" Cyrus asks. 

"Actually, she's girlfriends with Amber," I correct. 

"Oh, that's cute," Cyrus responds. "Anyway, what's up? How's it hanging?"

I smile at his use of slang, saying, "Pretty good. How about you?"

"Well, I just ate an entire basket of baby taters, so I'm feeling both accomplished and kinda of gross at the same time."

He laughs. Suddenly, one of the kids recognizes Cyrus and approaches us with a smile. 

"Cyrus?" Lynas chirps. 

Cyrus looks down at the boy. "Oh, hi . . ."

"Cyrus, this is Lynas," I tell him. 

"Can you still do a somersault?" Lynas asks. 

"I can," Cyrus says, "but I should probably refrain from doing that on a full stomach."

"Are you gonna stay?" Lynas wonders. 

"Um . . ."

"We're playing pirates," the boy explains. 

Cyrus flicks his eyes to me, and I give him a smile, raising my eyebrows to show him that I share the same question. 

"Sure," Cyrus finally answers. 

All of a sudden, a crash sounds out, and a few of the kids scream. We snap our heads to see a tipped over chair on the ground. 

"Hey, Duggie, pick that up please," I call out. 

The boy does as I ask, but a few of the kids still chatter about the noise, including Lynas who goes off to help Duggie. 

"Are they always this phased by loud noises?" Cyrus asks. 

"Depends on the day. You should've seen them during the storm a few days ago," I explain. "They aren't big fans of thunder."

"Yeah, me neither," Cyrus says. 

"Really? I love it. Whenever there's thunder, I like getting hot chocolate and setting up camp on the couch with a movie."

"I don't like how sporadic it is," Cyrus explains. 

His words click instantly in my head, connecting with what I remember from a letter a couple days ago.  _Man, Cyrus really is like Eleven._  I know it's a coincidence, but it makes me look at Cyrus for a moment and wonder if Eleven could look like him. Then I have to pull myself back to reality. Cyrus is not Eleven. Cyrus is not the boy I'm falling for more and more each day—but he's so similar. 

"Yeah, Madison's freaking out over the twenty percent chance of rain on her wedding day," I mention. "She wanted an outdoor wedding, but now I keep hearing all about how she's worried it will be a bad decision."

After a moment, I realize that Cyrus' face is still frozen on that idea, looking as though he's deep in thought about something. I wave my hand to get his attention, and he shakes out of it. 

"Sorry," he says. "I was just thinking . . . about things. It must be pretty busy around your house with the wedding coming up."

"It is," I confess. 

"Do you feel like—" he pauses for a second to gather his words "—like your family is too focused on your brother to notice you?"

His question catches me off guard. I don't know how he can guess that so well. I assume it must be because he's the son of four therapists. He probably just knows how to read people or something like that. 

"Sometimes," I admit. I consider for a second how much I should tell him but decide it's best just to stick to the basics and leave out the part about me being gay. "Everything's about my brother when he's around. Especially now. My parents hardly notice me when him and his basic homecoming queen girlfriend are around."

Cyrus' eyes seem to go wider at that, and I wonder if I shared too much. 

"Sorry," I say. "I didn't mean to unload all problems onto you."

"No," he quickly replies. "I just . . . I forgot that I need to get home. Yeah."

"Oh, okay. I'll see you tomorrow?"

He gives me a faint smile with a nod, replying, "Tomorrow."

Cyrus turns around and leaves toward the door. He opens it up, but, before he leaves, he gives me one last look back. Then he takes off down the sidewalk, disappearing out of my sight. 

I wait for a moment, my mind still stuck on him, until I feel a hand tug on my shirt. I look down to see Trinity staring up at me. 

"Why did he go?" she asks. 

I kneel down to talk to her face to face. 

"He had to leave," I reply. 

"But I wanted him to stay," she says. "I wanted to teach him how to do a cartwheel."

I chuckle. "I'm not sure if he'd be able to do that."

"That's why I'd teach him," she presses. 

"He's gone?" comes Lynas' voice. 

I look over to him. Now most of the kids are listening, all curious about where my friend went. 

"But he said he'd play pirates!" he says. 

"He'll play pirates next time, okay?" I say. 

"Good. He's going to be the parrot."

I smile while picturing Cyrus pretending to be a bird to keep a few preschoolers happy. 

"I like Cyrus," Trinity tells me. "He's really nice."

"I like him too," I say. 

"You should bring more of your friends here," Sookie chimes in. "Are they all like Cyrus?"

"Cyrus is one of a kind," I respond.

"You should bring your girlfriend!" Lynas shouts. 

"My brother has a girlfriend," Will cuts in. "She brings me cookies when she comes over. Will your girlfriend bring cookies?" he asks me. 

"I don't have a girlfriend," I tell them. 

"I want Cyrus to be your girlfriend!" Trinity chirps. 

"That's called a boyfriend," Lynas informs her. 

"Then I want Cyrus to be your boyfriend!" Trinity corrects herself. 

The kids all wait excitedly for my response. Two weeks ago, I would've thought that maybe that could actually happen, but I know now that it can't. I just don't know how to tell them that. 

"No," I say gently. 

"Why not?" Trinity asks, her eyes drooping. 

"Because I kinda want someone else to be my boyfriend," I say. 

"What's his name?" Sookie questions. 

"Well, I don't actually know his real name," I explain. "I call him Eleven."

"Isn't that copyrighted?" Lynas says. 

"No," I reply. 

"So you don't know his real name?" Sookie says. 

"No."

"Then it could be Cyrus," Sookie suggests. 

 _No, it couldn't,_  I reason to myself.  _It can't be Cyrus. Cyrus isn't . . . Um . . . He doesn't . . ._ I guess it could be Cyrus. I have no argument for why it couldn't be. I mean, Cyrus is a lot like Eleven, and that would explain why he asked about my brother. What if I got over this boy only to end up falling even harder for a different side of him? 

But that's so unlikely. Still, my silence is response enough for both the kids and myself to pick up on my uncertainty. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to include this with the next chapter as well, but it ended up being really long, so here's this part on its own. I thought y'all needed some brightness after that heartbreaking episode. I literally cried on my way to work today after watching the episodes. I'm not gonna spoil anything, though, so yeah. Thank you for reading! I love you all! Someone made an wehearit for Dye, so check it out! https://weheartit.com/esthermars_/collections/162550759-dye-aes I love it so much, and I was so amazed that people like my stories enough to do that. Anyway, have a good night, and I'll hopefully post again tomorrow. Bye!


	11. Chapter 11

**Cyrus' POV**

 

I haven't told my friends about it yet. I'm not sure if I should. They'd think that I haven't gotten over TJ yet and that I just want him to be the one leaving the notes, but that's not true. I'm over TJ. I was. But if TJ and Seven turn out to be the same person, then I may end up being even more head-over-heels than I ever was before.

My shoe kicks a stone as I walk down the worn dirt path, sending it rolling forward. It tumbles over an exposed tree root and drops off the sharp edge. I follow its path, carefully placing my feet on the rocks like steps to get down to the river. Seven's spot enchants me the second I see the water come into sight between the trees. I need a place to think, and my feet rightfully brought me here.

Among the sounds of the river rippling, I hear a splash, which captures my focus. Through the cattails, I see a head pop out of the water and two hands come up to wipe the droplets from the face.

"TJ?" I call.

The boy whips his head over to look at me as I approach, his hair flinging water onto the rocks.

"Cyrus? What are you doing here?"

TJ hurries back to shore, reaching for the navy T-shirt that had been left on land to stay dry. He pulls it over his head, and its bottom hem soaks the instant it touches his dripping, red swim trunks.

TJ's here too. Seven said this was his own spot. I guess anyone could know about it. But the gleam of TJ's turquoise eyes now brings back the butterflies that I thought had gotten lost somewhere in the trees. I guess they never really left. They were just dormant.

"Just wanted a place to think," I tell him. "I heard that this was a good place to do that."

"It is," TJ says. "I thought I was the only one who knew about it, though."

His smile is soft as he watches me walk up to him. Once I get close, he glances toward the river then back to me.

"You know, I like to think while in the water." TJ says.

He turns around and peels off his shirt again before leaping into the river. I grin and copy him, but kick off my shoes and socks as well, so that I'll only have to put up with soaked shorts later. Rather than jumping in like TJ, I slowly immerse myself in the cold water. It gives me goosebumps as I sink my shoulders under the surface.

TJ wades in the calm stream, barely needing to move at all to keep from being pulled away by the slow ripples.

"So what's on your mind?" I ask.

"Stuff," he replies.

"Want to tell me your stuff?"

He hesitates before explaining, "My brother wants to hang out with me tomorrow."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"I don't know," he says. "He's never wanted to spend time with me before. He hardly even knows me. What if he doesn't like me?"

"What's not to like?" I reason. "You're—"  _deep, kind, sensitive, strong_  "—you."

TJ smiles while his eyes study me, making me feel the way I imagine a cage must feel when someone finally manages to pick the lock.

"There's a lot he doesn't know about me," TJ says after a moment.

"Like what?"

TJ lets out a forced laugh. "Where do I start? He just learned where I work, even though I've had that job for over a year now. He didn't know I was allergic to dogs until he let Madison bring her's over last month, which made me sneeze all night. I'm pretty sure he thinks that I'm a math genius like him, but that's because my parents still tell people that. And he definitely doesn't know . . . um, never mind."

"No, tell me," I say. "I won't judge."

TJ looks down at the water then back up at me before taking a deep breath.

"I'm gay," he says.

I'm hardly surprised. It's only another piece to this puzzle I'm building in my head.

"Me too," I respond.

His mouth falls open a little at that, but I just smile at him.

"You are?" he says.

"I am," I confirm.

The trickling of water fills the few seconds of silence that follow, and TJ wades over a little closer to me. My body is starting to get used to the chill of the water, causing me to feel warmer than I'm sure this water actually is.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I ask.

His eyes meet mine and stay there.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he counters.

"I asked you first."

He smiles and lets out a sigh. "I was scared," he confesses. "The only people who know are Reed, Lester, Heart, and my sister—and a few others, but not a lot."

"Well, I'm honoured to be on that list," I say.

Our eyes stay locked on each other, but my quickening heartbeat causes my eyes to flicker down to his lips after a second, and I feel myself drifting closer. Then I manage to gain enough self-control to pull myself back. I don't know yet if he's the boy I'm falling for—and I need to know if that's the case.

Suddenly, I break away from him, going over to instead sit down on the rocky shore. TJ follows, lowering down next to me, our feet still skimming the thin layer of flowing water as it washes past the stones.

"I've been talking to someone," I say. "A boy."

It's apparent by his hesitation that I caught him off guard, but after a second, he responds, "Oh, that's good. Yeah, actually, I am too."

_He is too. That could be anyone, though._

"Well, I've actually been writing to him," I explain. "He's really honest with me, and he makes me feel like I can be vulnerable and still be safe. He also seems really kind."

"Yeah, I've never opened up to someone the way I open up to the guy I'm writing to too," TJ says.

I wonder if his mind is mirroring mine, because he can't seem to break his eyes away from me for a second, and the same goes for mine.

"I call him Seven," I then say.

It's so quiet that I can hear TJ's breathing amongst the sounds of the water and the breeze in the tree branches. Or maybe his breathing is just that loud.

"I call him Eleven," he says.

That's it. That's the confirmation I needed. My pulse is racing even faster as it tries to keep up with my head which tries to piece together what this means. All that I felt for Seven and TJ melts together until I can't tell the difference, and I guess there isn't a difference. It makes my stomach flutter as the emotions untangle, and I realize that I like TJ now way more than I did before when I only knew one side of him. Now I know this other half—a more vulnerable side that I had no idea was even there—and I want to keep discovering more.

"I think I'm in love with him," I utter.

The weight of those words smashes the silence, creating a tension as I wait to fall. 

"Me too," TJ whispers.

In an instant, TJ's hand takes my jaw and his lips touch mine, causing the world to kneel down around us as though we're the only thing worth anything right now. I know I'm falling, but I'm not scared of hitting the ground. TJ's kiss holds me in a trance, making me believe the universe is shielding us from any hurt that could come. Slowly, we part, and our eyes open to lock together again, but the pull back to him is too strong to ignore, and I give in again. I collide my lips back with his, and he takes in my kiss like it's the reason he's alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm happy with that. Uh, I figured we all needed some happy Tyrus moments right about now. I'm hungry now. I'll probably eat breakfast while I proofread this. Thanks for reading! I'll try to have the next chapter up soon. I love you all! Have a great day!


	12. Chapter 12

**Cyrus' POV**

 

The world comes back to my senses when his lips leave mine. Our eyes stay together for another moment until I can't help but laugh, and I fall back onto the rocks. TJ does the same, lying beside me with his shoulder up against mine. It feels like a dream. I still don't fully believe that this is real. This can't be real. But when I look over, he's still there. TJ is there. 

"I can't believe it," I say with another chuckle. "I've been writing you this whole time."

"I know," TJ says. "I was trying to get over you. I failed miserably at that."

"Get over me?" I repeat. "You liked me?"

"Obviously, I liked you," he whispers. "But you didn't like me until—"

"I liked you too," I correct him. "I really liked you."

He smiles at that, turning his eyes upward at the star-spotted sky.

"We could've saved a lot of time," TJ says. "I was too scared."

"Are you still scared?" I ask. 

"Yes," TJ responds in a whisper, "but not of you. I'm scared to tell my parents. I might just wait until after the wedding. That way, if it doesn't go well, at least I won't have to put up with a long and uncomfortable family gathering."

He goes silent, but I can sense that his thoughts are unfinished. 

"Are you okay with that?" I question. 

"No." He brings his hands to his face. "No, I'm not." The rocks clink as his arms drop back to his sides. "Cyrus, I want to tell everyone about you."

He looks at me with worried eyes, and I feel the need to help in some way. The first thing I can think of is to lace my fingers through his—something I've never done before. Initially, I'm a little unsure of how he'll react, but when I wind our hands together, a smile grows on his face, and he closes his hand around mine. 

"Tell whoever you want," I say, "but don't let fear be the reason you don't."

TJ's eyelashes flutter when they blink, reminding me of the swaying tall grass at the edge of the rocks. If this were yesterday—if I hadn't just kissed this boy—I would've looked away to avoid being sucked in. But I don't have to do that anymore. 

"I love you," TJ tells me. 

"Those might be my new favorite words," I reply.

He smiles then moves on, saying, "I'm hanging out with my brother tomorrow."

"How will that go?"

"Not sure," he breathes.

"Well, feel free to tell me all about it after."

"I will," he says. 

TJ lets my hand go, worrying me for a second before he wraps it around me instead. He pulls me in closer to him then presses a delicate kiss to my head. While we lie there together listening to the sound of the trickling water, I count the minutes until I wake up and have to accept that this is all just a fantasy. But I never wake up. 

________________________________________

Across the table from me in The Spoon, Andi blinks, trying to understand the hurricane of a story I just told her. Buffy and Jonah are just as confused, but they're also in the middle of eating a plate of pancakes together, so Andi's the only one who can actually ask any questions. 

"Can you start again?" 

I sigh, but summarize my story, saying, "TJ was the one who left the letter. TJ is Seven. I found out. Now we're boyfriends."

Andi nods. "That's . . ."

" . . . a huge coincidence," Buffy finishes for her, talking through a full mouth. "Obviously you and TJ are meant to be together."

That makes me smile. "I think we were made for each other. And I think the universe knew that, so it couldn't let us get over each other, because then it would fail its job." 

"The universe knows what it's doing," Andi says. She picks up her fork to poke at her eggs while next saying, "I hope it knows what it's doing for me too."

"Andi, it does," I assure her. "Just be patient."

"Yeah," Buffy agrees. "You'll find someone. You're only fourteen."

"Buffy's right," Jonah says. 

"Easy for you guys to say," Andi says to the two across the table. "You're already in a really adorable relationship."

Buffy tenses up, responding, "Uh, we're not in a relationship."

"Hey, Buffy," Jonah cuts in, getting her attention. "Can I talk to you outside?"

"Uh . . ." Buffy flicks her eyes to Andi and I then back to Jonah. "Sure."

Jonah gets up from the table, and Buffy follows him out the door. Andi and I glance to each other when they're gone, both curious about what they're going to talk about. Unfortunately, our two friends move out of view of the window, so we can't try to read their lips to get a clue about their conversation. 

"So," Andi says to me, "are you excited to be your boyfriend's date to his brother's wedding?"

"Yes," I say, "and nervous. I'm not sure if he's going to tell his family about us before it or not, but, either way, I'm meeting my boyfriend's entire extended family. If I mess up, I could make a bad impression to his whole family, and I only have a few days to prepare."

"You don't need to prepare. You'll be fine. Just be yourself."

"I just really want them to like me."

"Okay, but TJ really likes you," Andi says. "That won't change even if you do make a bad first impression."

"What if I do something really horrible? I could accidentally step on someone's dog."

"Someone's going to bring their dog to the wedding?"

"I don't know," I reply. "But they could."

Andi shakes her head, chuckling a little. "Cyrus, relax. If TJ's family doesn't like you, I will personally go up to each and every one of them to explain why you're the best person I know."

I smile. "Thanks, Andi."

The chime grabs our attention, and we look over to see Buffy and Jonah reentering The Spoon. They sit down, both with smiles etched into their faces. Buffy scoots her seat in toward the table a bit and turns her eyes ahead to Andi and I. 

"We're in a relationship," she says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola. I know this is short, but I wanted to save the next part for the next chapter. I love y'all. Thank you for reading! Have a dandy night, and I'll see you in the next chapter.


	13. Chapter 13

**TJ's POV**

 

The smack echoes back as I dribble the ball on the pavement. I shield the ball from Zach when he tries to steal it from me, then I make it up to the net to do a layup. The ball drops through the hoop, and I catch it underneath. Zach attempts to chuckle in a friendly way, but I just ignore it. I don't know what he's trying to accomplish by being nice to me, but I have no motivation to make it easy for him. 

"You really are good at basketball," he says. 

I continue toward the middle of the court without looking over to him. 

"Yeah," I mutter.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Zach's smile turn into a frown, but I carry on, dribbling the ball past him to take another shot for the net. Zach doesn't even try to stop me this time, and it flies straight in. After catching the ball, I spin around to see Zach's reaction, but I'm thrown off when I see him shaking his head and stepping off the court. I walk after him as he goes to sit down on the bench nearby. 

"Yo, what's wrong?" I ask. 

Neither of us want to be here. I know that. Maybe he's just tired of pretending he cares about me and needs a break. 

Zach's answer comes as a surprise. "I'm trying to get to know my little brother, but he won't even talk to me."

I'm stunned silent, and I sink down onto the bench beside him. He stares at the ground,his arms resting on his knees. With the way disappointment radiates off him right now, it seems like there should be rain pouring down to create a proper atmosphere. 

He actually wants to talk to me? This isn't just some stupid thing he's doing to please my parents or be a martyr? Guilt clutches at my stomach, but I shouldn't feel bad. How was I supposed to know that my brother, who hasn't said more than a hello to me since he left for university years ago, would want to learn anything about me for once?

"Since when do you care at all about me?" I question. 

He sighs and tilts his head up to look over at me, saying, "Last month, Madison's brother got in a car accident. While we were waiting for him at the hospital, she kept saying how she wished she'd spent more time with him and really gotten to know him. He passed away, and now she carries these regrets around. I don't want us to end up the same way."

"Then why didn't you try to talk to me a month ago?"

"TJ, we haven't had a real conversation in years. When I knocked on your door a few days ago, I was worried. I kept wondering: what if he doesn't want to know me? What if he doesn't want to keep up any more relationships? What if I can never be as close with him as I could've if I'd tried to stay connected when I left for school? I guess I was right to think all those things. You clearly don't want me around. You don't know me. I get it, but, TJ, I don't want to be just some face you recognize in photos. I want to be your brother."

I don't know what to say. I never in a million years would've expected those words to come out of Zach's mouth. It's weird. Amber's always been the sibling I relied on. Zach wasn't even a thought. I just knew he wouldn't be there. Now he wants to be here, and I don't know how to deal with that. Maybe I should stop trying to hold him back and just let him in. 

"I became the team captain in grade seven," I say after a long while of nothing.

Zach looks over in surprised, but then he smiles and accepts the open door.

"Do any of your friends play basketball too?" he asks. 

"Reed and Lester don't."

"I remember them," Zach says. "Wasn't Reed was the kid who smashed my Game Cube with the curtain rod when he saw a spider on it?"

We both laugh at the memory, and I respond, "Yeah, that was Reed. He felt bad about that."

"It's all good," Zach says. "Gave me an reason to get a Playstation anyway. What about your other friends. What do they do?"

"Well, Buffy played on my team for a while, because Jefferson didn't have a girls' team. Then she started a girls' team, so she became the captain of that."

Then Zach asks, "Is she your girlfriend?" 

I nearly choke on my own saliva. "No."

"My bad," Zach says with a laugh. "I thought my brother would for sure be a chic magnet."

I try to laugh along, but it ends up sounding just as forced as it is. "Ha ha. Yeah."

I fall quiet when I realize that Zach isn't buying the laugh. He watches as I attempt to figure out what to say next. I honestly can't believe he's not able to hear the debate happening inside my head while I consider whether or not I should tell him anything more. My fear wins in the end, and I carry on talking, deciding to hold back the information I'm afraid to disclose. 

"Cyrus is also really great. I met him through Buffy," I explain. "We first talked on those swings over there." 

I point out the place that holds so much meaning to me, and Zach gives it a glance, but he clearly doesn't have nearly the same connection to it as I do.

"You've never mentioned him before," Zach says. 

"Yeah, uh, he's my friend." 

I hate the subtle burn of reverting back to that word.  _You know what, he wants to know me. Let's see if he means that or not._

"I mean boyfriend," I say. "He's my boyfriend."

Zach, obviously caught off guard, goes speechless for a moment, but he quickly adjusts to the new situation and says, "Okay, so you're a dude magnet."

I smile, feeling my eyes start to water, but I blink rapidly to try to hold it in. I did not expect that response.

"Only to Cyrus," I reply. 

My brother gives me a nudge, saying, "That's because you only notice Cyrus."

My grin spreads even wider until Zach asks his next question.

"Do Mom and Dad know?"

"Uh . . . no," I say, a gloom settling inside me. "I'm not sure how to tell them."

"You just tell them," Zach says. 

The reality that he's never been through this hits like a brick. He could never understand why I can't do that. It's not like telling them I bought a new book or didn't do my homework. It's not like saying I'm engaged to a beautiful woman. It's placing bubble wrap in a child's hands and asking them not to pop it. 

"You don't understand how hard it is," I breathe. 

"I don't," Zach agrees. 

My eyes drop to the ground, but Zach pulls them back up with his next line. 

"TJ, did Mom and Dad ever tell you that I've been arrested?" 

I snap my stare to him, shocked. 

"For what?" I ask. 

"Possession of marijuana. I was fifteen, and me and my friends thought we were so cool. My point is, they still loved me even after seeing me in a cell. If they could handle that, they can handle you being gay."

"You'd think," I tell him, "but I really don't know." 

"I'm pretty sure I know," he insists. "If they don't accept you, I'll give you the amount of money equivalent to what I spent on my wedding, and that's a lot."

I chuckle along with my brother, feeling the air lose some weight. 

"Thanks," I say.

"No problem. So you're gonna tell them?"

I don't want to answer that right now, because the thought of committing to coming out makes me nervous. I'll probably back out last minute even if I decide to do it. So instead I grab the basketball from where I sat it on the bench next to me, and I stand up.

"I'm going to win," I tell him. 

He smiles and gets up to follow me back onto the basketball court. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to write. I'm currently getting my western wear out of the closet, because the Calgary Stampede is coming up. i'm not going, because it's a waste of money, but I've still got to get into the culture by wearing my hat. Fun fact, I've been in the parade, because I did colourguard for a year in grade seven. Anyway, so I don't spend money on the Stampede, I still enjoy the week. Thanks for reading this, and I hope everyone has a great day. I liked the new episode. i thought it was fantastic, so that's good. Uh, yeah. Bye!


	14. Chapter 14

**Cyrus' POV**

 

TJ comes back down the stairs and walks over to join me on his living room couch. I didn't think he could get any cuter, but his glasses prove me wrong. When he sits down on the cushion, he puts his arm out to close it around me as I snuggle up with him, laying my head on his chest. He reaches for the television remote from the armrest and presses play to start the first Hobbit movie. 

"I didn't know you wore glasses," I say. 

"I usually wear contacts," he explains. 

"I like them."

"Yeah?"

"You look softer with glasses on," I tell him.

He smiles and holds his hand out. I lock my fingers through his and bring both our hands to lay across my waist while we turn our attention to the movie playing. Although I do care about the show, I can't help but keep looking back to TJ and his glasses. Eventually, my boyfriend notices me staring at him, and he turns his eyes to me.

"You should pay attention to the movie. Otherwise, I'm gonna make you watch it again," he warns. 

"I'm okay with that," I respond.

I raise my lips to his, and he accepts my kiss, bringing his free hand up to touch my cheek. Right now, I'm kind of looking forward to having to watch this movie again if I'll be able to do this with him again. Maybe he'll even make us watch it a third time. 

All of a sudden, The front door flies open, and I break away from TJ, both of us turning to see who just entered. Thankfully, it's not his parents, whom he said would be out until much later. It's his brother, along with a red-haired girl holding grocery bags. 

"Don't stop on my account," Zach says with a laugh while he takes off his jacket. 

"Zach, what are you doing here?" TJ interrogates. 

"Just thought I'd stop by and ruin your moment," he jokes. "I assume this is your boyfriend."

I give him a shy wave. "Hi." Then I look to TJ, saying, "There goes making a good first impression."

"Hey, me walking in on you sucking my brother's face isn't the worst way we could meet," Zach reasons. 

"I suppose," I say. 

I give TJ an embarrassed glance, but he just smiles and leans in to place a kiss my forehead before looking back to his brother. The woman beside Zach gives him a nudge with her elbow, and he understands what she's requesting. 

"Oh, Madison, this is TJ's boyfriend, Cyrus," Zach explains. 

I can't help but smile at the word "boyfriend." It feels so right to hear. 

"Madison is Zach's fiancée," TJ clarifies. 

"It's nice to meet you," Madison says. Then she steps ahead, glancing back to tell Zach, "I'm gonna set these in the kitchen."

Zach nods, and the girl heads off to the room at the back. 

"We're planning to make supper tonight," Zach explains. 

"Cool," TJ responds. 

"Cyrus, are you going to stay?" Zach asks.

"Uh, probably not for dinner," I answer. 

"Well, consider it," Zach says. "I think we have enough food for you. Also, do you know where Amber is? Her car is gone. Is she hanging out with Heart again?"

"Yeah," TJ replies. 

"Well, did she say if she'd be home for dinner?" Zach asks. 

 

**TJ's POV**

 

As if she was summoned by the question, the front doorknob rattles, and Amber enters the room. Zach steps aside to give her space as she walks in laughing with her girlfriend about something only they know. When Amber finally turns her eyes away from Heart, she notices Zach standing there and is practically zapped quiet. 

"Hey," she says. "I didn't know you'd be here." 

Heart closes the door and takes off her shoes to stand farther into the room. Amber's eyes wander from our brother over to Cyrus and I where we lie tangled together on the couch. I instantly realize that I never actually told her about when I came out to Zach.

"'Sup," Heart says to us all. 

Amber turns around to face Heart, saying, "Can I meet you downstairs?"

"Sure," Heart responds. 

Her eyes flick from Amber to Zach before starting her path toward the stairs. Once she's gone, Amber shuffles over to the cushioned chair by the TV and sits down heavily. Zach slowly makes his way toward the seat at the other end of the room, watching our sister as she very obviously tries to work something through in her head. 

"What's going on?" Zach asks after a moment. 

Amber glances over at me. "Did you . . .?"

I nod, confirming what she's wondering.

Then she asks, "Should I?"

"It's up to you," I reply. 

I feel Cyrus' hand squeeze mine firmer as he braces for the impact of what's about to happen. 

Amber's bomb drops when she says, "Zach, I know I said Heart was my friend when you met her, but she's actually my girlfriend, and I'm a lesbian."

"Well, I guess I'm the odd one out," Zach says with a chuckle, convincing me that Amber's bomb was actually just a pinecone or a tennis ball or anything else that couldn't do much damage at all. "What's cool is I thought, since TJ was gay, that I wouldn't be able to give anyone girl advice, but I can just give it to my little sister instead."

"Thanks, but I'm good," Amber sasses back. 

"Okay, well, when you need it, don't hesitate to ask."

"Same goes for you," Amber responds with a smirk. 

The two burst into laughter, and Cyrus' head snuggles closer into the space between my head and my shoulder. I wrap my arms tighter around him and lift his hand up to my lips to grace his fingers with a gentle kiss. I don't think I've ever felt safer than I do right now with my siblings sitting around me and the boy I love lying with me, none of us afraid to be ourselves. 

________________________________________

"What is that amazing smell?" my mom wonders as she enters the kitchen. 

Amber sets down the last plate at the table and looks at me, silently confirming the plan with our eyes. Zach carries the last dish of food, the ham, over to the island while Madison greets my parents. 

"I hope you don't mind," Madison says. "We made dinner."

"Oh, you didn't have to do that," Mom responds with a smile. 

"Please, Theresa," Madison says. "You've already helped so much with our wedding coming up. You deserve to be repaid."

"Thank you," Mom says. 

Her and my dad find chairs at the table, and Amber's voice catches them right as they sit down. 

"Hey, I'm gonna drive myself to the wedding tomorrow," Amber says. 

"Why don't you let us drive you?" Dad asks. "There's enough space in the car."

"Not for my plus-one," she states. "I'm thinking of bringing Heart as my date."

Mom smiles and lets out a little laugh. "Honey, it's not called a date when it's just your friend."

Amber's face is like stone as she responds, "I know."

It takes my parents longer to process that than all my siblings and I expected. Amber stays standing, patiently waiting for them to say something. When they still don't speak, Amber starts to worry. 

"Sorry, that's a stupid idea," she mutters. 

"No, I'm just surprised," Dad tells her. 

"Yeah," Mom agrees. "We always thought TJ would be the gay one."

Amber, Zach and Madison all flick their eyes to me, and my jaw drops open. 

"Funny you should say that . . ." I say as I walk over to stand next to Amber.

My parents both start grinning before I can even tell them anything. 

"It's Cyrus, right?" Mom asks. "We always liked that boy."

"It's Cyrus," I confirm. 

Zach steps over to me and puts his hand on my shoulder, whispering, "I told you they'd be fine with it."

"Yeah," I say. "I just thought you'd be disappointed, because, you know—I'm not like Zach."

Their expressions fade. 

"What are you talking about?" Mom asks. 

"Come on. You guys always say how you want me to be as smart as him and go to the same school and all that."

"TJ," my mom says, standing up to walk over to me, "we don't want you to be anyone but yourself. I'm sorry if we made you think otherwise."

"We just want you to succeed," Dad joins in. "But you can do that in many ways. You don't have to be like your brother. We already have him. We want you to be you."

My heart takes control of my feet, pulling me toward my parents to give them both a hug. 

"Thank you," I whisper. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this took years to post. Sorry y'all. I was going to go to the stampeded parade tomorrow, but then my friend told me I'd have to be there at 8:30, which would mean I'd have to wake up at, like, 4:00, so I figure I don't need to see it. I've been in it. That's good enough. Anyway, I'm going to post the final chapter of this tomorrow hopefully. I'll also hopefully have the first chapter of my next story up on Saturday. I love you all! Have a good night!


	15. Chapter 15

**Cyrus' POV**

 

I creep open the door to TJ's bedroom and see him sitting on a pile of pillows on the floor. Around him, dozens of crumpled up papers spot the ground, all torn from the notebook in his hands. His eyes stay focused on the page as I walk over and join him on the floor. I look down at the words he's written on the page and realize that it's a very rough beginning of the speech he needs to stay in only a few hours. 

The unfinished speech is the only thing that keeps him from being fully prepared for the wedding. He's already wearing his tux, which I've seen once before, but it looks about a thousand times more attractive now. I've heard before that everything looks better on someone you love, but I never really understood how true that is until now. 

"You still haven't finished that?" I say. 

He shakes his head, still looking down at the notebook. 

"No," he replies. 

"Let me help," I offer. 

I take the notebook from his hands and bring it onto my lap. That's when he finally looks up and notices my new blue suit that Buffy and Andi said would make TJ not be able to take his eyes off me. 

"You look good," TJ compliments. 

"You as well," I return. 

Strangely, the suit seems to be doing exactly what my friends said it would. TJ stares at me while I turn my eyes down to the page, trying to come up with a good introduction to his speech. 

"Why don't you start by telling a story?" I suggest.

I give TJ a glance to listen to his answer, but I'm not even sure if he heard my question. He's too busy staring at me, a charming grin on his face. His eyes wander over my tux, eventually finding their way up to my eyes. 

"Are you going to help, or are you going to continue staring at me with that stupidly cute smile," I ask. 

TJ's eyes fall down to my lips as he says, "I'm going to do this."

He leans in and kisses me, clearing away my concentration on creating a speech, instead captivating me in the new task at hand. He always manages to pull me in like he's made a deal with gravity which has allowed him to take a bit of that force for himself. I simply can't resist it when his tongue grazes my lip, and I let him in to kiss me even deeper.

After wasting a little too much time, I manage to gain the self-control to pull away and stay away. 

"That's nice," I say, "but I doubt your family will want to see that in place of your speech."

TJ sighs. "Alright."

He steals the notebook back for himself and starts to think again about how he could begin his talk. Now that he's listening to me and focusing on writing his speech, I kind of regret telling him to do that. Pretty soon, I become the one staring, wishing for him to let me back in. 

"There's this one story about when I was little and Zach said . . ." TJ's voice trails off when he notices my eyes. 

"Maybe we can procrastinate this a little longer," I say. 

TJ grins then comes in to kiss me again, getting us right back to where we were. 

Suddenly, there's a quick knock on the door, and it opens up to reveal TJ's dad.

"Time to go," he says. 

TJ and I instantly split apart but unfortunately not soon enough to keep his dad from realizing that we were making out right before he entered.  _Why does his family always have to walk in at the worst possible times?_

"Save that for your own wedding day," his dad teases. "Be at the back door in five minutes."

TJ's dad closes the door again as he leaves. TJ laughs a little, his face red in embarrassment, as is mine. My boyfriend stands up first then holds his hand out. I accept the gesture and let him help me up onto my feet. 

"Ready to be my date?" he asks. 

"Anything I do with you is something I'm ready for," I respond. 

He smiles for a moment before saying, "I'm so glad I accidentally asked you to come to this."

"Even if you hadn't, you would've done it eventually," I say. "I'm pretty irresistible."

I laugh as he pulls me in closer by the waist. 

"What about me?" he asks. 

"You're pretty irresistible too," I reply before letting him bring his lips to mine one last time.

________________________________________

Near the end of the dinner is when some of TJ and Amber's relatives finally begin to ask about who Heart and I are. Still, most people seem to have either not noticed that we're here or just assumed we're just friends. Amber and I are especially thrown off when one woman comes up to our table with an unheard before guess as to who I am. 

"Hi, Amber. Is this your boyfriend?"

Amber instantly answers, "No," but she lets TJ explain the rest. 

"He's my boyfriend," TJ finishes. 

TJ gives me a smile, which calms some of the nerves in my stomach. So far this wedding has just been full of me wondering when someone's going to get mad at us, but nobody has yet. Maybe the homophobic ones are just trying to ignore my presence. 

"Oh, well, it's nice to meet you," the woman says, obviously surprised. "I'm TJ's aunt, Chelsea."

"I'm Cyrus," I say, reaching my hand out to shake hers. 

She looks over to the other unknown person at our table and takes a guess at who she is. 

"You must be Amber's friend."

"Girlfriend," Amber corrects. 

Aunt Chelsea is taken aback again, flashing her eyes toward TJ's parents as she chuckles uncomfortably and comments, "What happened after Zachary? You parents decided one straight kid was enough?"

Amber tenses and stands up, not looking her aunt in the eyes. 

"You should get back to your table," Amber says. "The toasts are about to start."

"That's probably best," Aunt Chelsea responds. 

She whips around and heads back to her table as if being chased. When she's gone, Amber and TJ both turn to look at their parents. 

"Are we going to have to skip out on family Christmas dinner from now on?" Amber asks. 

"I think she was trying to be nice," Mr. Kippen explains. "She's just kind of homophobic, but I don't think she'll be a huge problem as long as you're both willing to put up with her."

"I doubt I'll hear the end of it from my parents, though," Mrs. Kippen says. "Get used to ignoring everything they say about you two. My mother loves to tell people how to live their lives."

"Thanks for the tip," Amber responds. 

Once the staff have cleared everyone's empty plates from their tables, Madison's father is the first to give his speech. After him, Zach makes a heartfelt toast to his new wife. Then TJ gets up from his seat. 

"Did you even finish writing your speech?" I ask him. 

"I'm gonna wing it," he replies. 

I can't help but smile at his confidence as he gives me a little salute and steps away toward the microphone at the front of the room. The crowd hushes when he appears there and adjusts the microphone. 

"Hey," he says. "Uh, my name's TJ . . . for, like, the five of you who don't know me." 

A hum of laughter buzzes through the quiet crowd, and TJ clears his throat to begin his speech. 

"This wedding looks pretty amazing, so let's quickly acknowledge the people who worked hard to do this. Uh, the staff here, my parents, and of course Madison, who can finally get a good night sleep knowing that this is done," he says with a chuckle. "This also is a relief on my family. Now that Madison and my brother are married, we can finally ask what dirt he has on her that's so bad that she'd agree to marry him." The audience laughs again. "But seriously, Zach is actually pretty great.

"Um, when Zach and I first met, I made a great first impression. His left something to be desired. Since he was twelve years older than me, I gave him easy employment as a babysitter. Me, being the baby, I got nothing but the care-taking skills of a twelve-year-old . But he was a great babysitter. He let me watch him play his Game Cube. He let me eat as much ice cream as I wanted, and all I had to do in exchange was shut up. Uh . . ." TJ cracks a smile as the audience chuckles. 

"This goes to show that generosity has always been one of his best characteristics. He was a giver since as long as I can remember. He frequently gives his time by volunteering at the Food Bank. He gave Madison his heart—along with a ring that costs way more money than he ever made by babysitting." He pauses before adding, "He gave Amber and I the chicken pocks . . .

"He really is a remarkable guy, and he could not have found a more perfect woman to marry. Actually, I remember when he was first telling me about Madison. He said that he met her at University and that she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. Then he said, 'She liked my truck,' and that's when I knew that they'd end up together." 

TJ allows the laughing to die down before continuing further. "Now here we are, four years later, and she still likes that truck, even though Mom and Dad have told him to get rid of it about a hundred times. Zach, you are one lucky guy to have found someone like that. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and I wish you, Madison and your truck many years of love and joy together for the rest of your life."

The audience erupts in applause as my boyfriend steps away from the microphone and walks back to sit back down beside me at our table. 

"You did great," I tell him. "You'd never know that you were completely unprepared."

"Thanks," he says. 

After the maid of honour says her speech, the time comes for the special couple to step out into the space at the centre of the tables and have their first dance. Everyone watches as the pair sways slowly together as though they're the only two people in the world. Madison's white dress dusts the floor with every move, flowing gently like grass in the wind, and Zach holds her close against him. They look so in love.

Once their song is over, the music picks up with a fast-paced country song, and TJ stands up and holds out his hand for me to take it. 

"I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to dance now so that other people will start getting up too," he says. "Wanna join me?"

"I'm not very good at dancing," I say. 

"Nobody is," TJ assures me. 

I smile and let him lead me out to where Heart and Amber are already tearing up the dance floor. Mine and TJ's dance moves fall short of the skill level of theirs, but we're both still smiling the whole time. Eventually, half the room is up and moving to the rhythm of the music. 

A few songs in, the tempo drops, and Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" starts playing. Naturally, the bride and groom come back together again for the slow dance. Amber and Heart have chosen to ignore the disapproving looks from TJ's grandparents beside them as the two girls hold on to each other like every other couple on this dance floor. 

"So," TJ starts, "I know neither of us know how to slow dance, but wanna try?"

I grin and throw my arms over his neck, and he wraps his around my waist. I let my head rest of his shoulder as we sway together, somehow staying in time with one another, even though the beat we're following is definitely not the one of the music. 

Around us, a few glances are thrown our direction, but they roll right off us without any effect. 

"TJ?" I whisper.

"Yeah?" 

"People are staring."

"Cool," he responds. 

Then he brings his hand up to my jaw and kisses me slow and sweet like drizzling honey. The gesture is more than just a kiss. It's his way of telling everybody around us that they can either accept us or look away, and I'm fully on board with that message. 

When we drift apart, his eyes flutter open to meet mine.

"Cyrus," he whispers, "I love you."

"TJ," I respond, "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this. I really loved writing this story, and I hope you like the ending. I don't know why I always do dance ending, but someone requested it, so I figured I might as well do it again. I'm going to attempt to post the first chapter of my next story today, but we all know I'm unreliable, so I don't know. I'm going to go eat pizza and candy, and then I'll be back at the writing. Have a dandy ol' night, and I'll see y'all soon! Oh, and thank you all for reading!


End file.
